Sometimes I miss the time when there was only one idiot per village.

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People who like sweet potato fries can’t be taken seriously and deserve shame and ridicule.

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Job market so bad, I started following my dreams.

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Twitter is like a psych ward with no staff.

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Going to work has backfired on me so many times.

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I wish religion made people nicer to each other.

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I got my patience from waiting half the day to download a song from Limewire.

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Not again. I mean good morning.

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Dude, we’re gonna be treating others how we want to be treated later if you wanna pull up.

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Everybody thinks “Free Hugs” signs are cute, unless you’re a boa constrictor.

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The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.