Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Sorry for the delay, my CVS receipt decided to write a novel instead of just printing! 📃✨ Next time, I'll use it to track my reading progress instead of waiting around for it. 😆 #LongestReceiptEver"

CVS, excuse, finish, humor, i, late, printing, receipt, sorry, waiting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Coffee: Because without it I would be a serious danger to society.

0

2 months ago

addiction, caffeine, coffee, danger, humor, i, serious, seriousness, society
My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

0

2 months ago

afford, alcohol, caring, drug, employer, humor, i, pay, poorly, problem, salary, work
I’m just so lazy because I’m still recovering from the fact that I used to be the fastest sperm.

0

2 months ago

achievement, fact, fastest, humor, i, just, lazy, life, recovering, self-deprecation, sperm, still, used
Sometimes, I feel like my brain is still running on Windows 95.

0

2 months ago

95, aging, brain, computer, feel, humor, i, mental, mental state, outdated, running, software, sometimes, state, still, system, technology, Windows, Windows 95
Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

0

2 months ago

body, body humor, cool, ever, fart, humor, relief, sex, stomachache, sure
In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

0

5 months ago

confidence, disagree, disagreement, experience, humor, me, opinion, people, sarcasm, wrong

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

87 shares on Twitch this month:

I like to put “No DMs” in my bio to pretend that I’m attractive.

84 shares on Threads this month:

I heard God is testing both of us at the same time. Wanna hang out?

26 shares on Slack this month:

Coconut water taste like it’s been in someone else’s mouth.

48 shares on YouTube this month:

Does your life really flash before your eyes or is it just your brain closing all open tabs one last time.

18 shares on Slack this month:

Is Mercury in reggaeton?

29 shares on Instagram this month:

I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Work is the worst video game ever.

34 shares on Telegram this month:

Hell hath no fury like a sports bra being applied to a just showered but not 100% dry body.

48 shares on Twitch this month:

Some people’s laughs are funnier than the joke.

77 shares on Messenger this month:

Are cassette tapes considered classical music yet?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here hating myself.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

A poorly timed two-factor authentication request will be the thing that finally kills me.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

I hate Valentine’s Day but I do enjoy infant archery.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Back in my day, we had to walk to the TV to change the channel. Uphill, both ways!

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

I sign all anniversary cards with ‘Way to commit to the bit!’

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

My daughter says I’m making it up! Do you remember having to carry a quarter for the payphone, just in case?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on X:

Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

Trending via Reddit:

Mario Kart turned out to be the best training for winter driving.

Just shared via Reddit:

Stop asking a clown why he keeps acting like a clown, ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

Trending via WeChat:

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Hearing my voice in recording makes me wanna apologize to every person I talked to.

Trending via Instagram:

With age comes wisdom. And digestive trouble.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Hey, you wanna come to a wedding with me? You could be the groom.

Making waves on Telegram:

People who ask “Can I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

Just shared via WeChat:

Please don’t tell me how bad your life was growing up; we had to manually roll up our cars’ windows.

Going bananas on Twitch:

You’re not stuck in traffic. You are traffic.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry I was late, I was waiting for my CVS receipt to finish printing.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Coffee: Because without it I would be a serious danger to society.

My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

I’m just so lazy because I’m still recovering from the fact that I used to be the fastest sperm.

Sometimes, I feel like my brain is still running on Windows 95.

Sure sex is cool, but have you ever farted away a stomachache?

In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨