Sorry, I wasn’t really listening but that’s awesome, unless it isn’t of course.

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It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

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When you scream into your pillow, the memory foam never forgets.

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As I’m moonwalking away, they didn’t even notice I had stolen a brownie.

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I like my music at a volume where I can’t hear you.

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I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently, and I’ve decided that I really don’t want to do that any more.

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Stop animal testing! Use my ex!

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I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

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I was dropped as an adult.

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People just don’t build cities on rock and roll anymore.

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That little stroll to the coffee maker makes me happy every morning.