PORTLAND—In a groundbreaking study, local researchers confirmed that the majority of relationships today are strategic maneuvers to access a partner’s more attractive friends. “It’s science, folks,” explained Dr. Emma Glitz, lead researcher, adding, “Being ‘just friends’ establishes a bridge to a whole new market of dating options.”

The study revealed various tactics singles use to bide their time. “I like to play the long game,” stated participant Johnny “Friendzone” Walters. “You never know when that bridge to hotter friends will appear at a party or casual gathering.”

Researchers advise caution, as the strategy may backfire. “I ended up marrying the ‘just friend,’ and now it’s harder to make a move on her friends,” lamented Barry Trickman, a case study volunteer. For now, experts simply recommend remaining non-committal as an ongoing life strategy.