HOBART—A staggering 87% of helping offers delivered sarcastically are being taken seriously, a recent study finds. “I casually told my neighbor I’d assist him with his roof,” said local man Jim Hollarston, nervously eyeing a ladder. “I was merely being polite, not cosigning for manual labor!”

Experts caution these sarcastic gestures are leading to unexpected commitments. “People genuinely expect your faux offers of aid,” noted Dr. Betty Reardon, social etiquette analyst. “It’s an epidemic of sincerity in the face of irony.”

Desperate to avoid future misinterpretation, Hollarston has resorted to extreme measures. “If I say I’ll help again,” he ran a finger over his throat in a dramatic slashing motion, “I literally mean I’d rather wrestle a porcupine.” The study concludes that sarcastic good samaritans should avoid eye contact at all costs.