TOPEKA—A groundbreaking study has found that consuming everything on your plate only results in bigness, not strength. “Parents should be warned,” said lead researcher Dr. Marnie Usher. “You may end up with a lumbering XXL rather than the next Superman.”

“I followed their advice, and now I can’t lift much apart from my own skepticism,” said local dad Jim Brody, echoing the study’s findings. The research suggests a correlation with a larger waistline but doesn’t guarantee any superhuman strength gains.

Despite the findings, many parents were unshaken. “As long as he’s not allergic to broccoli, we’re sticking to the plan,” said defiant mother Carla Jenkins, before admitting her son could bench press lasagna but not a dumbbell.