SEATTLE—A groundbreaking study released this week by the University of Seattle has found that individuals are generally more physically appealing when not compared to anyone else. “Our research shows a significant rise in attractiveness when subjects are viewed in a vacuum,” said lead scientist Dr. Carol Zimmerman. “Participants felt exceptionally attractive when they were the only ones around to assess themselves.”

The study involved showing participants a mirror and then asking them to rate their attractiveness on a scale of 1 to 10. Scientists noticed scores increased by a whopping 300% when participants weren’t juxtaposed against photos of, well, anyone. “I’ve never felt so in love with myself,” claimed participant Roger Puente, “until you put me next to Brad Pitt. It’s not fair!”

Dr. Zimmerman is now petitioning to ban all forms of public comparisons to boost self-esteem globally. “Imagine a world where every bathroom has only one mirror with zero expectations,” she proposed. “We can all be tens if we stop looking at eights and elevens.” The White House declined to comment on potential nationwide implementation of the ‘Just You’ standard.