MILWAUKEE—A recent survey has found that 90% of Americans admit to deliberately arriving late to events they don’t want to attend. “Hey, sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come,” said one participant, who asked not to be named. The research indicates that these individuals use strategic tardiness to minimize their time spent at unwanted social gatherings.

Researchers discovered common excuses ranged from ‘traffic delays’ to the more inventive ‘my dog ate my GPS.’ “People have developed a profound art in apologizing without apologizing,” explained Dr. Elaine Chamberlain, Chief Procrastination Analyst. The study further noted the sheer creativity in expressions of regret, often executed with an air of feigned sincerity.

In response, social hosts nationwide are fighting back by moving events earlier without notice. “We’re countering the trend by saying dinner starts at 5, when it’s actually at 7,” said event planner Greg Haversham. Communities have seen an upsurge in punctuality, though some guests have now developed elaborate new lateness strategies, even including preemptive nap sabotage.