CHICAGO—In a groundbreaking revelation, food scientists announced Tuesday that leftover pizza is scientifically classified as “a blessing from a higher power.” “Not only does it fuel your body, but it also warms your soul,” said renowned nutritionist Dr. Earl “Cheese” Montgomery. “There’s a holiness to cold pepperoni next to a cup of coffee.”

The study, funded by the National All-Day Pizza Consumption Association, highlights the spiritual advantages of cold pizza, noting significant increases in serotonin levels compared to traditional morning meals. “Our data suggests that breakfast cereals should be downgraded to ‘just blessed,'” stated lead researcher Judith Slice. “Crispy crust offers transcendence like no bran flakes can.”

The team is recommending that leftover pizza be officially integrated into all sacred food pyramids. Religious leaders have reportedly reacted with enthusiasm, promising to serve pizza slices alongside communion wafers. Said Rev. Alfredo Panini, “If pizza is a blessing, then pizza with extra cheese is like hitting the breakfast-liturgical jackpot.”