LIVERPOOL—A groundbreaking study released Tuesday has reportedly identified the secret to perpetual happiness: consuming an infinite loop of pizza. The study states, “Simply order a pizza, eat it, and then order another,” explained Dr. Nigel Crustworthy, lead researcher.

Dr. Crustworthy further detailed the methodology, noting the study participants all reported unprecedented levels of joy. “It appears that society’s true dilemma is merely a lack of pizza,” he remarked.

Critics argue the revolutionary findings may lead to a national cheese shortage. “At this rate, mozzarella might hit street value,” warned local nutritionist Fiona Guttenberg, who then sheepishly ordered three extra-large pepperonis, “You know, just in case.”