CAMBRIDGE—A new study reveals that cats have mastered a unique societal trend where increased weight correlates with increased popularity. “My cat, Chunky Charlie, is now Instagram famous,” remarked resident Maria Velasquez. “The more you feed him, the more followers he gets.” Researchers theorize that cats enjoy an unparalleled status where excessive size is consistently celebrated.

The study includes testimonials from feline fanatics who vehemently stand by the data, noting how “pudgy paws” have become a coveted trait. “Slim cats might be agile, but who needs agility when you can have the squish?” added local cat enthusiast Tom Dawson. The findings suggest that if humans adopted similar practices, global influencer dynamics might shift drastically.

To encourage national acceptance of this unconventional adoration practice, paw-litical leaders are proposing initiatives, comedically referred to as ‘Project Purr-fect Proportions’. These schemes humorously aim to replicate a fantasy world where size trumps skill. “Imagine a world where waistlines are the new headlines,” quipped Velasquez, envisioning a utopia where personality, like waistlines, becomes highly inflated.