MANCHESTER—A revolutionary study published Monday reveals that women across the globe spend their days weeping profusely while maintaining text-based conversations with multiple male counterparts. “I’ve always suspected that’s how women operate,” said local man Hal Jenkins. “They just multitask like that naturally. It seems to be a female evolutionary trait.”

Researchers were surprised to discover that women have developed crying as both a leisure activity and a cardio workout. “It’s quite efficient, really,” said Dr. Emma Foster. “The texts keep them socially active while tears ensure that they’re hydrated, which might be the secret behind their dewy complexions.”

When asked for clarification, the study head added, “We can only conclude that women are far more imaginative life-goal strategists than men, squeezing in teardrops and texts between their other light exercises like making every major life decision. It’s genius, truly.”