BURLINGTON—Local teen Derek Murphy, 17, has taken the bold step of intentionally deceiving his parents for their supposed emotional benefit. “I hate lying to my parents, but it’s for their own good,” explained Murphy, scrolling through fake report cards he created while subtlety suggesting his after-school activities are far less ludicrous than they truly are.

Caught decorating his room with scant awards from imaginary extracurriculars, Murphy insists the elaborate deception is necessary. “They still think I’m class president,” he said, neglecting to mention his actual role was global vice-president of the basement LAN party club. Commenting broadly, Murphy stated, “If blissful ignorance isn’t a core family value, I don’t know what is.”

In response, his parents remain obliviously grateful, with his mother saying, “I can’t believe how much Derek does.” Meanwhile, their son’s confidence grows as he plans the Parents’ Day presentation with a replica Nobel Peace Prize from his Erector Set. “It’s really a win-win,” Murphy smirked, “unless they figure out that my science project involved social engineering, not engineering.”