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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

“You handled that with such grace” are words that have never been spoken to me.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has bookmarked:

The date abruptly ended over a disagreement on how to pronounce Gnocchi.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Perfume is key, but deodorant is keyer and showering is keyest.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

This whole “having a job” thing is really getting in the way of me having my best life.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

I wonder how much this “Never mind, it’s only 10 bucks” has already cost me?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Thank you for contacting the abyss. Your scream is very important to us.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Every time I talk, it sounds like it’s my first time trying to speak.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Nowadays an “all-nighter” means I didn’t have to get up to pee.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

You got beef with me, but none in your fridge. That’s why you’re mad. You’re hungry.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

If you have gray in your beard, you can hit it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,362

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on WeChat:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

Just landed via Facebook:

Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

Shared recently on Slack:

I’m officially at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to go anywhere after work.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Do you ever feel like you’re a white shirt and life is a red wine?

Spotted on Slack:

Everybody looks sexier when they are happy.

Trending via Reddit:

Asking doctors about nutrition is like asking software engineers about printers, they really have no idea.

Just landed via Instagram:

Lord, grant me the serenity to accept the terms and conditions I do not read.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.

Freshly posted on X:

I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for training or quality purposes.

Spotted on Messenger:

GTA6 should have streams and wetlands so we can work to conserve and restore them.

The Masters would be a lot more interesting if there were starving alligators roaming throughout the golf course.

Funny quote about adding daring adventure to golf with roaming alligators.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Watch out, golfers! Forget about the sand traps, it's hungry alligators you should be wary of now! 🐊⛳️ Who will come out on top – the golfers or the gators? It's a whole new level of excitement at The Masters! 😂"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My mom recently asked me how to take a screenshot. At first, I laughed, but then I remembered she taught me how to tie my shoes.

73 shares on Twitch this month:

Remember when the most annoying thing about Twitter was trying to think of a shorter word.

32 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.

90 shares on Pinterest this month:

As funny as it sounds, the easiest way to get women is by having a girlfriend.

38 shares on X this month:

Wife bought something on FB Marketplace, but she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped, so she sends me to pick it up from a guy whose wife sent him because she’s afraid to get kidnapped.

66 shares on Instagram this month:

My superpower is embarrassing myself.

93 shares on Slack this month:

If she has Bukowski on her nightstand, she will devour you.

51 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I am woman, hear me roar but also meow because I am sensitive.

19 shares on Discord this month:

I can’t think of a single email that has ever found me well.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

People who cook breakfast before going to work are too mature for me.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Was in a bookshop and asked a worker if he could recommend books to me. He said, ‘Sure, they’re great.’

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Paw Patrol is just annoying. Exactly how long do dogs live again on average?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

We should be able to call in healthy: “I feel amazing today, and I’m not wasting it at work.”

25 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent a type of situation that improves.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The way men eat when they’re single is nothing short of dehumanizing.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Just blocked a guy for accusing me of being “all talk”. On Twitter.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I want the job where I push scared skydivers out of planes.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My soulmate probably seen my posts and deleted me.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

If you want to make God laugh, inhale some helium then tell Him your plans.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,732

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

75% of being a divorce lawyer is just answering emails from clients saying, “No. No. No. You absolutely cannot do that, no.”

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

I do believe TikTok saves the funniest videos for late at night. There’s no way.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

I haven’t had sex in so long, I forgot how to moan, what if I mess up and bark?

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

I’m not being smart, I’m just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

One man’s worst nightmare (me) is another man’s peace (also me).

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via X:

If you’re offended by bacon, the United States of America isn’t for you.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Doing dry January, so I’ve had eleven Diet Cokes at this bar.

Just landed via Discord:

Applying for jobs feels like auditioning to be enthusiastic about a blind date you haven’t even met yet.

Spotted on Slack:

I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

Shared recently on YouTube:

The main problem is that far too many people have far too easy access to podcast equipment.

Live now on Slack:

The trick of life is to get the sports car before you have to grunt getting in and out of it.

Just landed via Discord:

Finally gathered all my thoughts and now they’re jumping me.

Spotted on Discord:

Home is where you can say anything because nobody’s really listening, anyway.

Live now on Snapchat:

Slapping the TV remote on your knee extends the battery life. It’s science.

Going viral on Discord:

Thanksgiving and Christmas should be six months apart. Absurd to see those people again so soon. Insane.

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