The only reason I insist on returning to the office is because my cat needs a break from me staring at him all day.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

To whoever has my voodoo doll, please stop making her go to work.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

I always thought that aunts had a lot of money. Until I became one myself.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

It’s too late. I sat down on the couch after work. Go on without me.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

I really want an emotional support octopus so I can train it to slap people and shoplift.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Writers should get a direct line to the FBI so we can call them and give them a heads up when we’re googling ways to poison someone but just for a story.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Bought a pair of night vision goggles so that I can easily find the fridge at night without waking my wife.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

“I’m at a point in my life where I don’t go anywhere unless I absolutely have to.”

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

I want a president who promises no jobs. I don’t want to have a job.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

I think airplanes would be way cooler if the wings flapped like a bird.