Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

TV lead me to believe grave digging would be a lot easier.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Amazing if accurate: bleeding money.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

The feminine urge to be the most feared witch in the village.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

My dog just looked me in the eye and said “no one is gonna believe you”, then took a nap.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

Moms will vacuum the ceiling, alphabetize the spice rack, reorganize your socks, then say, “No one helps me around here!”

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Men want to meet up too easily. What if I plan to sacrifice you?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Why would I finish my thought when I could have a new, more exciting one?

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

No one flirts better than a guy who’s not interested in you.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

I want to be a garbage man, so I only have to work one day a week.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Blocking me is like blocking the sun, the moon and the stars.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Dec 19, 2025

3,764

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on YouTube:

First date idea: you rescue me out of the tree I got stuck in while looking through your windows.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Stay up till 4 a.m. one night, and your sleep schedule is ruined for the next 4 years.

Just shared via Threads:

Messages are way funnier when you know how the person talks.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Meeting Beyoncé and telling her I loved her in Goldmember and mentioning nothing about her music career, just to see if it throws her off.

Trending via Facebook:

Setting up a camera to go and pretend you just woke up from bed is another level of mental illness.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

At my age, a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Life is just a sequence of missed opportunities.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I’m on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.

Just landed via TikTok:

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

Spotted on Reddit:

I’d pretend to care about football for you.

The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.

1 month ago

0

The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the elusive secret weapon of parenthood revealed! 🪑😄 Who knew that all those 'please pay attention' talks could have been replaced with a simple act of relaxation on the sofa? 🙌 Next time you need your child's undivided focus, just channel your inner couch potato and watch the magic happen! 🛋️✨"

attention, child, comfort, humor, observation, parent, parenting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Scratching the mosquito bite on my foot? Literally orgasmic. This is the kind of stuff that the government doesn’t want you to know.

0

1 month ago

bite, foot, government, humor, kind, know, literally, mosquito, mosquito bite, pleasure, scratching, secret, sensation, stuff, want
I love when my brain cells kiss and I have an idea.

0

1 month ago

brain, brain cell, cell, cells, creativity, humor, i, idea, kiss, love, thought
They’re releasing another “Jurassic” movie. Let me guess: The dinosaurs get loose.

0

1 month ago

another, comedy, dinosaurs, film, guess, humor, jurassic, let, loose, me, movie, sequel
Coffee just tastes better when you are the only one awake in the morning.

0

1 month ago

alone, awake, better, beverage, caffeine, coffee, humor, just, morning, only, solitude
Making her wear those remote-controlled vibrating panties in public so I can inform her when I’m tired and want to leave the party.

0

5 months ago

communication, humor, i, inform, leave, making, panty, party, public, relationship, remote-controlled, tired, vibrating, vibrating panty, want, wear
Life is hard. It is harder if you are stupid.

0

2 months ago

challenges, hard, humor, irony, life, stupid, wisdom

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on Telegram this month:

Beware. There are people in the grocery store that you know who want to chat with you. Stay vigilant.

63 shares on Slack this month:

If you get hangovers, it’s because you drank the beers with impure intentions and heavy karmic debt.

14 shares on Snapchat this month:

My neighbors listen to really good music, whether they like it or not.

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

We argue about where to go for dinner for so long, it eventually becomes an argument on where to go for breakfast.

81 shares on WeChat this month:

Going to bed early is easy, going to sleep early is a whole other set of problems.

58 shares on Discord this month:

Soccer: I love when they hold up the sign and a brand new, beautiful boy takes the place of a dirty, sweaty, ruined one.

38 shares on Slack this month:

Remember: no matter what anyone else thinks of you, it’s how you delude yourself that matters.

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

Sorry, can’t. The pears I bought a couple days ago have ripened.

87 shares on LinkedIn this month:

A good substitute for love and and personal fulfillment is a big bowl of fries.

84 shares on Twitch this month:

Real introverts are too introverted to tell people they’re introverts.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Spending 5 minutes looking up every word I want to use in a sentence to make sure I can define it in case they ask.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Calling the police when someone unfollows.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My kids want to know what’s for dinner, like they’re going to be happy with the answer.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Enjoying the consequences of my actions.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Liberté. Egalité. Second Coffeé.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Experts say that human interaction is important for brain health but I’m willing to risk it.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Just spent a couple seconds concerned about the sounds my stomach was making before realizing it was a motorcycle outside.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Accidentally said “normal” when they asked what milk I wanted at the leftist cafe.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

As a beautiful woman, sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is “ew.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,675

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

My favorite pastime is staying up way later than I should and complaining the next day about how tired I am.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

The 69 obsession turning into 67 is a recession indicator.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

A babysitter is a teenager who acts like an adult while the adults go out to act like teenagers.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

My wife just pulled me into the other room, and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk, but she just wanted to give me M&M’s without the kids seeing.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

What I’ve learned in all these years of marriage is how to open a bottle of beer silently.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Have you guys heard of recency bias? I hadn’t, but now I’m seeing it literally everywhere. Must be a big deal.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

I always take responsibility for my actions when there is no one else around to blame.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I could have been somebody if I’d been somebody else.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I’m an adult, that’s why I can have Skittles for dinner.

Shared recently on X:

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

Spotted on Reddit:

Quickie so fast, it’s called secs.

Just landed via YouTube:

Remember, if you start with, “It’s crazy to think…” you can say whatever you want.

Trending via Instagram:

I came, I saw, I was disappointed, so I left.

Going viral on YouTube:

Please don’t take illegal substances. Or at least, don’t take MY illegal substances.

Trending via Snapchat:

I literally just went through something, and now I’m going through something else. What’s next?

Spotted on Messenger:

Outside letting mosquitoes get some of this.

Spotted on Twitch:

When you’re using Grok, the A in Al just stands for Adolf.

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