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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

Why is it spelled “camouflage” and not “ “?

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

“You like talking to yourself?” God forbid I seek advice from an expert.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

If a woman watches a TV show alone, who answers all of her questions?

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

As everyone was arguing about politics, no one saw me leave with the cake.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

I’m not saving daylight. I’m the one that needs saving.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

Lou Read is the name of my favorite musician and also the book I keep in the toilet.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

We can’t both age regress at the same time — someone’s gonna have to push me on the swingset.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

I could tell by the way she was pouring gasoline on a pile of my clothes that the relationship had hit some turbulence.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

4 hours ago

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Me attempting to flirt: So do you like doing things?

Just landed via X:

When you have intense chemistry with someone, everyone else feels so bleh.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

People always love to claim that a celebrity’s death is “unexpected”, but they never actually release the data on which celebrities they expected to die that day.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

The fact that I procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason I still procrastinate.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Toddlers be like, we can do this the hard way or the harder way.

Breaking via Messenger:

Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realizing that the other person is completely stupid.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Spent most of the day making sure my couch still works. So far so good.

Trending via Telegram:

“Would you like to check your account balance?” God no. My balance is none of my business.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Currently into monogamous friendships. If you have other friends, please don’t talk to me, it hurts my heart.

The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.

4 months ago

The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the elusive secret weapon of parenthood revealed! 🪑😄 Who knew that all those 'please pay attention' talks could have been replaced with a simple act of relaxation on the sofa? 🙌 Next time you need your child's undivided focus, just channel your inner couch potato and watch the magic happen! 🛋️✨"

attention, child, comfort, humor, observation, parent, parenting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

831 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,993

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,993

4 hours ago

3,440

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

If you knock down a policeman, they’ll get backup.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

“I could see myself living here,” I said, in a different city for more than 24 hours.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Forget being the bigger person, I’m going to just start barking at people.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

In my opinion, those who go jogging on a Sunday morning certainly don’t have a comfortable sofa.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Bitcoin is just Kohl’s Cash for boys.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

*Pointing at a mothers shrieking baby* Is this guy bothering you?

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

At some point, my colleagues will manage to get me my own true crime documentary on Netflix.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Daylight savings is just a made up holiday to sell more daylight.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

Wearing a condom while she’s on birth control is called two-factor authentication.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Your hoodie strings are uneven. Go home and get your shit together!

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

“I need a movie where the villain actually won!” Have you tried watching the news?

Just shared via TikTok:

“Stalking”. God forbid I have access to public information and know how to utilize my resources.

Trending via WeChat:

Applying for jobs feels like auditioning to be enthusiastic about a blind date you haven’t even met yet.

Just landed via Telegram:

The only thing limiting what you can put in a sandwich is your imagination and the laws of physics.

Trending via Pinterest:

Why did they call it long distance running and not fardio?

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Sunrises are really beautiful, but the timing is rather bad.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

Just shared via X:

I dunno what I did in a past life but holy crap I’m sorry.

Freshly posted on X:

Apparently, everyone on the Zoom calls outside my office finds my singing distracting.

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