Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • If you saw me licking the plate after the charcuterie was finished, no you didn’t.
  • I used to schedule naps, but now they’re little surprise parties my body throws at all hours of the day.
  • Just went to the Oreo website and hit “accept all cookies” … and now we wait.
  • Don’t rush me, I’m still deciding whether I’ll be productive or not today!
  • I was disappointed to learn today that my request for a sabbatical was rejected. Apparently that’s “not how marriage works.”
  • Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.