23 funny government quotes - Wordgag

Yeah, the planet is dying. The government hates us. The animals are leaving. The aliens aren’t contacting us. We might be alone. It just might be you and me.

May 30, 2026

I’m sick of waking up thinking about the government, and going to bed thinking about the government.

May 29, 2026

How does a government that takes 40% of everyone’s money end up being trillions in debt?

May 29, 2026

If a government has online beef with a pop star, it has already lost.

May 29, 2026

Scratching the mosquito bite on my foot? Literally orgasmic. This is the kind of stuff that the government doesn’t want you to know.

May 28, 2026

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

May 27, 2026

I believe the IRS is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

May 27, 2026

Turns out strange women lying in ponds distributing swords was a better basis for a system of government actually.

May 26, 2026

Sorry I can’t have a pleasant, safe and affordable life, my government said no.

May 25, 2026

Feels like the Chinese government turned up the power on the sleepy ray they use on me every morning.

May 24, 2026

Pets don’t talk because the moment they do, the government will tax them.

May 24, 2026

The real threat to Democracy is the Bureaucracy.

May 24, 2026

I have nothing nice to wear for the government shutdown.

May 24, 2026

There is certainly no life on other planets. Otherwise our government would have sent money there long ago.

May 23, 2026

Jury duty is a wild concept. Whenever the government wants, they can just be like “Call off work, bestie, we need you to solve a murder. Here’s fifteen dollars.”

May 23, 2026

“Don’t shoot your gun at the hurricane” the government says. I’ll do my own research, thanks.

May 23, 2026

Kinda messed up that the government knows my birthday but never sends me a gift or anything.

May 22, 2026

Coke Zero sounds like a government pledge to eliminate fizzy drinks by 2030.

May 22, 2026

The pigeons are plotting to overthrow the government. It will start with a coo.

May 22, 2026

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

May 21, 2026

The government even made aliens boring.

May 21, 2026

It’s weird how the UFO’s always seem to crash in places that only the government and military have access to.

May 21, 2026

On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

May 19, 2026