Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Just saw someone my age running and she wasn’t chasing an ice-cream truck.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Toothpaste sure knows how to ruin whatever you’re drinking.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

I cannot hear a word you are saying if your hoodie strings are uneven.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

During childbirth, women are in so much pain that it is almost possible for them to feel what men have to endure when they have a cold.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

First rule for the new year is to not dwell on what went wrong this year.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Why is there so much day left at the end of my energy?

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

People keep inviting me to stuff. I miss the pandemic.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

My ex said I had commitment issues but this giant jar of Nutella says otherwise.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Sleep is a free trial of death but with ads.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,493

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

“You never text back.” No, I be reading texts from the notification bar, then forget to text back.

Making waves on Instagram:

If pills are too toxic to flush down the toilet, you probably shouldn’t swallow them.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

If I was Snow White, you wouldn’t get me with an apple. You’d have to poison a taco or something.

Seen just now on Slack:

I’ll call it a smartphone when I yell “Where’s my phone?” and it yells back “Down here in the couch cushions!”

Seen just now on X:

Good morning to everyone — except me, because I clearly didn’t get enough sleep.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Considering joining a cult just for the subsidized housing.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Job posting: $15/hr for master’s degree. Burrito menu: $23 for bean and cheese burrito.

Trending via Threads:

You’re either snacking with me or snacking against me.

Just landed via Discord:

Getting a wax is wild, like you really just be bust open talking to the lady like it’s nothing.

Just shared via X:

Guys only want one thing and it’s my grandmother’s meatball recipe.

The reason I don’t trust polls is because the people being polled are people who willingly answer the phone when an unknown number is calling them.

3 days ago

Witty quote highlighting distrust in polls due to phone call willingness, humorous and playful.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Can we really trust the accuracy of polls when they rely on the bravery of those willing to answer the call of the unknown number? 📞😂 Who knows, maybe the key to a more accurate poll is to start telemarketing our survey questions instead! 🤔📊 #DialingForData"

answer, being, calling, humor, i, number, people, phone, polls, reason, skepticism, trust, unknown, unknown number

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

15 shares on Pinterest this month:

Inventing the Grinch: “Santa needs a Wario!”

60 shares on WeChat this month:

Being single allows you to do a lot of things. For example, standing naked in the kitchen at night and eating cold pizza.

30 shares on YouTube this month:

The food hits different when it ain’t yours.

76 shares on Snapchat this month:

Coffee doesn’t solve all my problems. But it definitely stops me from constantly creating new ones.

99 shares on LinkedIn this month:

This is the wrong generation for people with an old soul.

12 shares on Snapchat this month:

If the math problems are too difficult for me, I post them online and write: “Only 1 in 10 can solve this problem.”

95 shares on Instagram this month:

If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

36 shares on Discord this month:

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

46 shares on Messenger this month:

Your favorite little ball of silliness has logged in.

63 shares on Threads this month:

My superpower is holding onto stuff for years and throwing it away exactly one week before I need it.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Not my room, not my elephant.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t need the audio tour at the museum, I have my teen to provide critical commentary the entire time.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t think humans were put on this earth to know what Salesforce is. It’s unnatural.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t go keto, go pirate. Rum, fish and beef jerky diet.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Taking screenshots of the screenshots buried in my photo library to ‘bring them to the front.’ It’s not a great system, I admit.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Grant me the serenity to supernaturally change the things I cannot accept.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Needs to be a Google Maps setting where you can ask them not to make you take a left across four lanes of oncoming traffic.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

So blunt, you can smoke my truth.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

According to a study, people believe anything that starts with ‘according to a study’.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,640

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Twitter is great because you can get good life advice from other emotionally unstable adults.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

You have one week to ask me to be your Valentine. Requests must be in the form of poetic verse written in your blood.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

I hate interviewing. Just hire me. I stand on business, for real.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

I hate it when some random company refers to me as their “customer.” I’m like, look, we had one night of drunken shopping, we are not in a relationship.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

Toddlers be like, we can do this the hard way or the harder way.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Life hack: You can’t be sad if you are asleep.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

My dentist plays country music, so it’s like a double torture.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Hosting Thanksgiving? Bring up politics so everyone will leave early.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Me, unwrapping a gift: Oh wow, an item. I love these!

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Snapchat:

Did you know if you hold your ear up to a stranger’s leg, you can actually hear them say, ‘What the hell are you doing?’

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, but nothing worse than being called on the phone.

Trending via Reddit:

As a kid, I was worried about randomly disappearing into the Bermuda Triangle forever. As an adult, I’m wondering how I can actually make that happen.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Girls really only want one simple thing; and that one thing is all of your attention.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Starting tomorrow whatever life throws at me, I’m ducking so it hits someone else.

Making waves on Reddit:

He called me delusional, but I think he meant delicious.

Spotted on Telegram:

Instead of making a sound, car alarms that go off at night should blast your name so everyone knows it’s your car.

Freshly posted on X:

Onion rings? I’m answering.

Live now on WhatsApp:

I love all the Winter Olympic events, sliding downhill on a piece of wood, sliding downhill on two pieces of wood, sliding downhill in a piece of wood. All amazing.

Spotted on Pinterest:

British people never go downstairs; they just jump out of a window and open an umbrella like Mary Poppins.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴