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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

Soon as vampires become real, I’m first in line for my bite.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

I respectfully ignore DMs because I promise you, I am not your soulmate.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

I wanna stand with you on a mountain and throw you into the sea, or whatever Savage Garden was on about.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

The cinema vibe is my favorite, you literally forget about the world for like 2-3 hours.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

“Still gangsta” I whisper to myself as I drink my chamomile tea with a heating pad on my back.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

I’m at my most math when I solve a problem while creating three new ones.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

Why does the phone ring longer when you’re ignoring the call?

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.”

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

The government even made aliens boring.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

The sexual tension between me and buying more books.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,349

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Slack:

I am dressing for the job I want. I want to be a sweatpants model.

Freshly posted on X:

If you stand too close to me in the check out line, you may as well pay for my stuff while you’re breathing down my neck.

Just landed via Reddit:

They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.

Going viral on Slack:

I’m in my 20s, but somehow I’m 16 and also 55 at the same time.

Trending via YouTube:

Opening up to a woman is like talking to the police, anything you say can and will be used against you.

Spotted on Telegram:

Opening up is like talking to a cop: anything you say can and will be used against you.

Live now on Pinterest:

Just so you know, what you now call an energy bar is what my father gave the canary.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Your DM doesn’t match the Bible quote in your bio. Uh-oh.

Live now on YouTube:

While you were rotting and wasting your life away, I was doing the exact same thing.

Making waves on Facebook:

If Stranger Things was British, it would be called ‘Bit odd, innit?’

The reason I don’t trust polls is because the people being polled are people who willingly answer the phone when an unknown number is calling them.

2 months ago

0

The reason I don’t trust polls is because the people being polled are people who willingly answer the phone when an unknown number is calling them.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Can we really trust the accuracy of polls when they rely on the bravery of those willing to answer the call of the unknown number? 📞😂 Who knows, maybe the key to a more accurate poll is to start telemarketing our survey questions instead! 🤔📊 #DialingForData"

answer, being, calling, humor, i, number, people, phone, polls, reason, skepticism, trust, unknown, unknown number

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Eleven out of ten people are stupid.

0

2 months ago

exaggeration, humor, opinion, people, statistic, stupid, ten
Thanks to AI, some of us went from being told by our parents not to trust the internet to having to tell our parents not to trust the internet.

0

2 months ago

age, AI, being, digital, digital age, gap, generational, generational gap, having, humor, internet, irony, parents, technology, tell, thanks, told, trust, us
People in my real life annoy me, so I come online to annoy you.

0

2 months ago

annoy, humor, i, interaction, life, me, online, people, real, real life, sarcasm, social, social interaction
Dear deodorant manufacturers, please stop writing “72h” on your products. There are people who believe that. And they sit next to me on the bus. Always. All of them!

0

2 months ago

72h, always, belief, believe, bus, care, deodorant, fragrance, humor, manufacturers, me, next, people, personal, personal care, satire, sit, stop, writing
Meow means woof in cat.

0

2 months ago

animals, cat, humor, language, means, meow, translation, woof
If you collect the crumbs from one Nature Valley granola bar, you can make three more granola bars.

0

2 months ago

bar, crumbs, DIY, food, granola, humor, nature, Nature Valley, resourcefulness, snack, three, valley

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Twitch this month:

It feels like it costs $100 a day just to exist anymore.

12 shares on Telegram this month:

Life is short. Make sure you spend as much time as possible on the web arguing with strangers.

45 shares on Pinterest this month:

My IQ used to be higher than my weight, but now I’m fat and dumb.

80 shares on Slack this month:

We can do things one of two ways. My way or my other way.

10 shares on Discord this month:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be turning you into a poem.

53 shares on Twitch this month:

Guys have good pics on their dating profiles because their ex took them.

67 shares on Threads this month:

I would cry but my makeup is too expensive.

38 shares on Reddit this month:

Ohhh, I just realised you can change your facial expression. I was just doing the one.

32 shares on Twitch this month:

“Stalking”. God forbid I have access to public information and know how to utilize my resources.

90 shares on Reddit this month:

I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m officially at the age where my favorite thing to do is sit down.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The only time anyone should watch the news is to study how psychological manipulation works on the general public.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Nicknamed my iPhone Lois Lane because it doesn’t recognize me without my glasses on either.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

When Dr. Seuss wrote, “Oh, The Places You’ll Go,” he did not consider how comfortable my couch would be.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Nobody is more stressed than a person who has a lot of interests or passions and is still confused about their career.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Of course babies cry when flying, their entire understanding of planes centers around them being eaten.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Instead of saying “Good morning,” my wife and I go straight into explanations of how badly we each slept.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I like to listen to the national anthems during the award ceremonies. I’m into country music.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I thought Game of Thrones was a pooping contest for men.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Netflix will help you finish the name of the movie you’re typing, and then tell you they don’t have it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,529

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

Helvetica is my favorite font that sounds like a heavy metal band.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

That feeling when it’s Friday, you blink once, and somehow it’s Monday again.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Every time you break spaghetti noodles in half, an Italian has a stroke.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

I held the door for an old person today and he was like, “didn’t we go to high school together” and we did.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Toddlers will take your last nerve, deep fry it and eat it for breakfast.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

When you tickle a man to death by accident, it is manslaughter.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

Wednesday is the part of the novel where the heroine stares out the window and questions everything.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

People pleasing doesn’t go well with my black attire.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

The sexual orientation where you’re attracted to both and men and women but they’re not attracted to you is called Bi-yourself.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

Food gives you energy to nap more.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Quality women really do attract everyone. A bright light always attracts all types of bugs.

Just landed via YouTube:

Jokes on you, unknown number. I barely answer my phone for people I know.

Just shared via Facebook:

Googled my symptoms and it turns out it’s just the politics.

Making waves on X:

Men used to send love letters in the middle of wars, and now they think reassurance is too much effort.

Just shared via Slack:

The worst thing you can do when cleaning your house is “sit down for a minute.”

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Hey, sorry I cant make it tonight. I am beset on all sides by foes.

Making waves on WeChat:

If I text you an accordion emoji, it means you better start acting accordingly.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.

Spotted on Threads:

Yeah, sex is cool and all, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

Making waves on Snapchat:

Take one positive friend and one negative friend with you on your next road trip. That way when your battery dies, you can hook cables to them and start your car.

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