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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Blocking someone isn’t enough, I want them to get lice.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

I tell people I rearrange my furniture to change things up, but we all know it’s to annoy my husband.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Got possessed by a demon once, and everyone was like, “OMG, did you do something with your hair?”

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Don’t give up on your dreams. If cauliflower can be pizza and zucchini can be noodles, you too can be anything you want.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Foot fetish should just be called feetish.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

The only function of a middle name is so a child can assess how much danger they’re in.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Probably the most empowered I’ve ever felt was that time I stuck a fork in a socket.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

I finally have glasses, which is great because I needed one more thing to frantically search for every morning.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

I followed my heart, and it led me to the fridge.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

I’m not speaking to my husband, and I don’t think he even knows it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,349

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

Delightful if true: booby trap.

Just shared via Reddit:

The hardest thing about chess is the other guy is always doing some shit.

Spotted on Instagram:

At this point, I’m not sure if my house is a mess or my mess is a house.

Just landed via Telegram:

A song that hits so hard it makes you want a cigarette.

Going viral on X:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you give it a really good massage?

Trending via Discord:

Girls really only want one simple thing; and that one thing is all of your attention.

Shared recently on Facebook:

No one is more stressed than someone who has seen their potential and knows they aren’t living up to it.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

One day we will tell our grandkids how far we had to scroll to get to the recipe.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I got one brain cell left and it moves around my head like a Windows screensaver.

Going viral on Threads:

Cause of death: Trying to draw eyebrows on the neighbor’s cat.

The reason I don’t trust polls is because the people being polled are people who willingly answer the phone when an unknown number is calling them.

2 months ago

0

The reason I don’t trust polls is because the people being polled are people who willingly answer the phone when an unknown number is calling them.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Can we really trust the accuracy of polls when they rely on the bravery of those willing to answer the call of the unknown number? 📞😂 Who knows, maybe the key to a more accurate poll is to start telemarketing our survey questions instead! 🤔📊 #DialingForData"

answer, being, calling, humor, i, number, people, phone, polls, reason, skepticism, trust, unknown, unknown number

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The only thing worse than children talking about sex is adults talking about politics.

0

2 months ago

adults, awkwardness, children, conversation, humor, only, politics, sex, talking, thing, worse
I’m at the age where I consider any picture of me taken in the last ten years “current.”

0

2 months ago

age, aging, consider, current, humor, i, joke, last, me, picture, self-image, selfie, taken, ten, time, where
Lowkey terrifying when someone attractive is actually into you, omg.

0

3 months ago

actually, anxiety, attraction, attractive, crush, dating, fear, humor, insecurity, OMG, relationship, social, social anxiety, someone, terrifying
The first person to realize you can eat bone marrow must have really hated that cow.

0

2 months ago

bone, bone marrow, cow, eat, eating, food, humor, irony, marrow, person, realization, realize
Revenge is a dish best served by cutting a sandwich horizontally instead of diagonally.

0

2 months ago

best, cutting, diagonally, dish, food, horizontally, humor, joke, revenge, sandwich, wit
Dating for love isn’t working. Now I’m dating to conduct psychological experiments and collect data.

0

2 months ago

activity, collection, conduct, data, data collection, dating, experiment, fun, fun activity, humor, humor in dating, love, psychological, psychological experiment, research, working

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on Messenger this month:

Another fine day ruined by waking up.

46 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

51 shares on X this month:

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I hate the sounds you make when you chew.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Statistically speaking, on average, a person has two arms, two legs, one testicle, and one ovary.

58 shares on TikTok this month:

To be blocked is to be seen and to be seen is to be loved.

89 shares on WeChat this month:

The fewer the people, the greater the inner peace.

54 shares on Telegram this month:

Why do they make the wine glass so large if you’re not supposed to fill it to the top?

35 shares on YouTube this month:

If only my bank balance was as high as my daily calorie intake.

19 shares on Slack this month:

Be nice to your children’s teachers. Especially elementary ones, cause kids have loose lips and that teacher has all the dirt on you.

57 shares on Threads this month:

Twitter is great because you can get good life advice from other emotionally unstable adults.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I am very depressed and in a really bad mood. Perhaps it will get better if I sit inside on a beautiful day and dwell compulsively.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

What if they close grocery stores and we have to hunt for our food? I don’t even know where the little gummy bears live.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s weird when you realize we are the last generation on this Earth to know what lite was like before social media.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve reached the conclusion that all men love thigh high stockings.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t think anything good will ever happen again until people feel bad about being stupid again.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Books are so cool because there are no bloody ads in them.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been having a rough day for about 5 years now.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m going to be real pissed if I get my shit together and the world ends.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Sharks are orcs, dolphins are elves.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,294

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Threatening my wife with a tariff every time she makes fun of me.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Everyone’s a gangster until their doorbell rings.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

No matter how sad you are, there is some form of potato that can make it better.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your wallet.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

I tried to scream into the abyss today but got a busy signal.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

I have re-entered the Band of Brothers rewatch stage of male depression.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

Raise your hand if you’ve ever tried to breathe quieter while walking up a hill so strangers didn’t call 911.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

Getting money from the Tooth Fairy is a gateway drug to organ trafficking.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

God bless the student essay that is so confused and rambling, there is zero chance that they used AI.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Whoever invented the gender reveal party needs to be launched into the sun.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

Just shared via Facebook:

I’ve got 50 minutes to make it look like I’ve been flossing for the last 6 months.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Cats must think we’re so weird for constantly harvesting their poop.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

The lion doesn’t concern itself with the contents of your prior email.

Spotted on TikTok:

“Dairy Queen” is actually the perfect drag name.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Another day of explaining to mom that New York is big and the footage she saw wasn’t shot on my street.

Going viral on Discord:

Every year I realize how dumb I was a year ago.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

“Your boos mean nothing to me. I’ve seen what you cheer.” Is a goated doctrine. If Rick and Morty gave us anything, it gave us that.

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