Trendy Funny Quotes

  • My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.
  • Probably the most empowered I’ve ever felt was that time I stuck a fork in a socket.
  • Welcome to your 40’s. You now have to second guess your age as you can’t believe you’re that old.
  • Drugs don’t ruin lives. Drug tests do.
  • Lawyers should get walk-up songs in court like how wrestlers do.
  • Monday morning looks like Jack Nicholson breaking through the door in The Shining.