These weekends are starting to feel as long as a lunch break.

27 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Imagine trying to ruin my day and I ignore you for the rest of my life.

71 shares on Instagram this month:

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

48 shares on Pinterest this month:

Only people who grew up before the internet will remember these: spelling, grammar and punctuation.

28 shares on WeChat this month:

She is so narcissistic that her narcissism has narcissism.

63 shares on Pinterest this month:

Heavy on the ‘mhm,’ cause people just be talking.

14 shares on YouTube this month:

Start each day with a positive thought, like: “I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours.”

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Don’t invite me if there’s nowhere to sit down.

31 shares on Discord this month:

Don’t judge me. I was born to be awesome, not perfect.

13 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ve mastered farting, and it be loud and quick, but the key is don’t make a face or look around, so people can’t pinpoint it to you. Just act natural.

47 shares on WeChat this month:

My trauma is between me and this bartender. The rest of you, mind your business.