Trendy Funny Quotes

  • The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.
  • People pass a joint around like it’s no big deal, but the minute I ask someone to do that with their Subway sandwich, I’m a weirdo.
  • Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.
  • No, I wasn’t dancing. I got harassed by a bumble bee.
  • I could never give up my dog, he knows too much.
  • Fishing for compliments like “I’m a mess in this photo that I took all morning to get the right angle and filter and after 50 selfies this is me”.