Today marks a five year anniversary of how I’ll start going to the gym tomorrow.

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What’s a beginner question to ask for someone just getting into being nosy?

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Together, I can beat schizophrenia.

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Good morning to everyone except the people who are missing the ability to read the room.

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So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?

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Sitting in a room with my husband and kids… Suddenly I realize everyone here has been in my vagina. Wow.

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I am woman, hear me roar but also meow because I am sensitive.

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Make sure you stock up on condoms, so you don’t produce any more idiots.

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I don’t mean to brag, but I put together a puzzle in 1 day and the box said 2-4 years.

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Accidentally falling asleep is always the best sleep — and that’s so irritating.

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To all of you who have never tried blindfold archery: You don’t know what you’re missing!