Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
😂👶👅 "Toddlers: The original conquerors of the 'Finders Keepers' rule since forever! Their claim to ownership: the all-powerful lick of approval. Watch out world, they're coming for all your treasures – one lick at a time!"

childhood, everything, humor, lick, mess, ownership, play, toddler

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My husband loves it when he orders fries, I say I don’t want any, and then I swoop in on his like a seagull at the beach.

4 months ago

beach, behavior, food, fry, funny behavior, humor, husband, i, relationship, say, seagull, snack, stealing, stealing food, want
Babe, are you OK? It’s already Q4, and you’ve barely touched your “2025 roadmap.”

3 months ago

2025, babe, deadline, humor, ok, planning, pressure, q4, relationship, roadmap, work, work pressure
Trying to squeeze in more nothingness today, but my schedule is already packed with procrastination!

6 months ago

humor, laziness, management, nothingness, procrastination, schedule, squeeze, time, time management, today, trying
Prison pen pal doesn’t want us to write each other anymore. Finds my life too depressing.

1 month ago

communication, depressing, finds, friendship, humor, letter, life, pal, pen, pen pal, prison, too, us, want, writing
Once I matched with a guy and ended up finding out he lived in my neighborhood, so I told him to go outside and scream, and he did. And I heard it.

6 months ago

dating, finding, funny story, guy, humor, i, interaction, lived, match, neighbor, neighborhood, once, outside, scream, social, social interaction, story, told
Can I come over and circle you like a vulture?

2 months ago

circle, clever, dating, flirting, humor, humorous, humorous remark, i, joke, over, playful, remark, sarcasm, teasing, witty

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Some should judge a little less and look at their lives a little more.

71 shares on Instagram this month:

At the first signs of a sore throat, you should be given the option of just skipping four days into the future.

22 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

85 shares on TikTok this month:

Life is like bread. It gets hard at some point.

59 shares on Pinterest this month:

I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

14 shares on Messenger this month:

Fun fact: If Celine Dion sang only the vowels in her name, it would be the lyrics to Old McDonalds Farm.

51 shares on Reddit this month:

Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick one person you hate, and blame them for everything.

68 shares on Discord this month:

I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

The number of times I stand in a room, staring because I forgot why I walked in there, is embarrassingly high.

84 shares on Discord this month:

Will mosquitoes ever develop a pizza obsession and end their pursuit of human blood?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Reminder that you need to be scrolling all day to monitor the situation.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

The phrase “Treat yourself” has ruined my bank account and waistline.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Is it socially acceptable to wear pajamas all day if you’re constantly holding a coffee cup?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

My husband is trying to convince me that we’re in a situationship. “The situation is that we live in the same house and love each other.”

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

You don’t scare me, I was married once.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Considering joining a cult just for the subsidized housing.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

My favorite genre of tweet is conservative guy asking Grok, ‘Is this true?’ and then arguing with it when it doesn’t give him the answer he likes.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

4 sneezes in a row is clout chasing. Wrap it up!

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

They’re selling me on Temu tomorrow.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Twitch:

I don’t mind being fully naked or my top half being naked, but I hate being naked from the waist down only. This is why I could never be a cartoon duck.

Going viral on Telegram:

I am writing a book about reverse psychology. Please don’t buy it.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

For Halloween, I wanna be loved.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

If I was a weather man, I’d leak the weather early to pretty women.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Just so you know, what you now call an energy bar is what my father gave the canary.

Just shared via Slack:

My toxic trait is thinking every inconvenience is the universe personally attacking me.

Just shared via X:

The greatest trick ever was making people feel more connected, when they are actually more alone than ever.

Going viral on WeChat:

Moms will vacuum the ceiling, alphabetize the spice rack, reorganize your socks, then say, “No one helps me around here!”

Freshly posted on Threads:

I need to go back to Friday. I want to do my weekend differently.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I always thought that aunts had a lot of money. Until I became one myself.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Toddlers: I’ve licked everything so everything is mine now.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

My husband loves it when he orders fries, I say I don’t want any, and then I swoop in on his like a seagull at the beach.

Babe, are you OK? It’s already Q4, and you’ve barely touched your “2025 roadmap.”

Trying to squeeze in more nothingness today, but my schedule is already packed with procrastination!

Prison pen pal doesn’t want us to write each other anymore. Finds my life too depressing.

Once I matched with a guy and ended up finding out he lived in my neighborhood, so I told him to go outside and scream, and he did. And I heard it.

Can I come over and circle you like a vulture?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨