Trendy Funny Quotes

  • I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.
  • I’m best man at my buddy’s second wedding. Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with “Welcome back everyone”?
  • Fun fact: Malcolm X was not his birth name. He was originally Malcolm Twitter.
  • I went to a mind reader. She almost went mad.
  • My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.
  • Toddlers be like, we can do this the hard way or the harder way.