BOISE—A gathering of self-proclaimed unique individuals announced a world boycott Wednesday, demanding recognition not only for their distinctiveness but also their utility. “The world needs to see our uniqueness as an asset,” said spokesperson Zane “One-in-a-Million” Jenkins. Witnesses could barely contain their excitement, having never encountered anything quite like it—except, of course, billions of times before.

The protest escalated as attendees waved mirrors adorned with motivational stickers reading, “Different, Not Functional.” Demonstrators reiterated their stance: “We’re not just unique snowflakes, we’re BLADE snowflakes,” claimed organizer Lily Distinctson, as she demonstrated a previously unseen but entirely unhelpful triple-hop walk.

Authorities confirmed that while the demonstration drew considerable attention for its novelty, societal impact was minimal. “They sure stand out, but so does a paperclip in a toolbox,” remarked local office worker Gary Mundane. Officials reassured the public that the protest, while charismatic, posed no threat to the ongoing operations of normal, useful things.