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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

King-sized beds: Because you both want to sleep on the same mattress, but not in the same zip code.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

I would like to unsubscribe from all responsibilities, please and thank you.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

I hate Valentine’s Day but I do enjoy infant archery.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

There should be guide dogs that prevent you from making bad decisions.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

I don’t want your hoodie, I want your still-beating heart presented to me in a box.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Sneaking up behind people and marrying them.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

Horror movies should add bloopers, so after watching the main film, you’ll be able to sleep.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

There are approximately 1,010,300 words in the English language, but I could never string enough words together to properly express how much I want to hit you with a chair.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,695

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

Sorry for acting weird, I am weird, and it will happen again.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Of course I intermittently fast. That’s when I sleep.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Dating app that matches you based on your risk tolerance for airport arrival timing.

Trending via TikTok:

Meteorologists are always talking about the weather and hardly ever about meteors.

Making waves on YouTube:

Calm down, engine light, if I can run on broken parts, so can you.

Just shared via Messenger:

I don’t need a recipe for disaster. I usually just eyeball it.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

My skin is so dry it’s doing a PowerPoint presentation.

Freshly posted on X:

Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situations again to see if you’re still an idiot.

Going bananas on Reddit:

The ‘b’ in ‘subtle’ totally is.

Trending via Twitch:

The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.

Welcome to downtown where the crosswalk signals are merely suggestions and you hope the puddles are water.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🚦🚶 "Welcome to downtown – where the crosswalk signals play a friendly game of 'suggestions only' and you navigate through puddles hoping they're not secretly plotting to be giant pits of doom!" ☔️💦

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on YouTube this month:

If Spotify has taught me anything, it’s that I don’t know the correct lyrics to any of my favorite songs.

73 shares on Threads this month:

Not enough rap songs about stores suddenly changing their layout.

13 shares on WeChat this month:

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

24 shares on YouTube this month:

Why socialize when you could party inside your room with your 10+ personalities?

35 shares on Telegram this month:

Rock bottom should give me free sandwich and coffee for how often I hit it.

77 shares on Pinterest this month:

Doing dry January, so I’ve had eleven Diet Cokes at this bar.

44 shares on Snapchat this month:

My life coach traded me.

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Lord, remove any laziness from my body and push me to my full potential the rest of this year.

85 shares on Reddit this month:

You should get one IG story in addition to your one phone call when you’re arrested.

11 shares on TikTok this month:

Partying hard on this Friday night, and by partying hard, I mean laying on my bed starfish-style.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Welcome to Twitter, where people never let their lack of knowledge get in the way of expressing a strong opinion.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

“I” before “E,” except when your foreign neighbor Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from weird, feisty, caffeinated weightlifters.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Normalize responding to work emails with: “What the hell are you talking about?”

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I want someone to care for me as much as Netflix cares if someone has logged into my account from another device.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

All I know for sure is that I could be wrong.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I just feel like we shouldn’t have a new year until we get this one right.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband and I are doing a workshop. He works and I’ll shop.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Why am I scrolling? What am I searching for?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so loyal to my music, I’ll hunt down a song I used to love five years back.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,326

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

I just want a man to look at me the way Doc from ‘Back to the Future’ looks when something exciting happens.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Bank account nice and empty. Starting the new month on a clean slate.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

It’s okay to love your job. Just know it doesn’t love you back.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

My couch better stop looking at me like that, it knows exactly what it’s doing.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Literally no one understands something more completely than a woman in a meeting who starts a question with “Just so I understand …”

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

I bet before the band got popular, Barenaked Ladies concerts had a lot of pissed off attendees.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

People don’t catch bullets with their teeth anymore, get out there and practice.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Saying “You’re tearing this family apart” whenever someone argues with me.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

I miss the old days back in the 70s, when I didn’t exist.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

The ways printers are like kids: Need feeding, are noisy and can’t function when offline.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Paid my mortgage so don’t ask me to come out. I’m getting my money’s worth.

Freshly posted on X:

I think it’s extremely important, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

Trending via X:

Before the internet, going viral meant your drawing made it to the fridge, and your sibling was furious.

Just landed via YouTube:

Summer body? Folks, I’m cosplaying as a potato that’s seen some things.

Making waves on Discord:

Here’s what I’ve learned since I’ve been on social media: I’m not nearly as disturbed as I thought I was.

Spotted on YouTube:

Imagine how bored the person who invented mayonnaise must have been.

Seen just now on Twitch:

A plus of getting older is not having to make as much small talk because half the conversation is spent asking the other person to repeat what they just said.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Laptops become possessed with slowness when they see that you are in a hurry.

Making waves on Telegram:

A piece of chocolate contains just enough energy to take another one.

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