Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

When I eat rotisserie chicken, I like to pretend that I’m performing an autopsy.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

The sexual tension when everyone arrives at a 4-way stop at the same time.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Actually, you’re having a conversation with yourself. I’m just here so you don’t appear totally insane.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Killing me softly with his schlong.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

All these self-driving vehicles… It’s only a matter of time before we hear a country song about his truck leaving him.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

AI won’t replace me because I’m already useless to society.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Sometimes the voices in my head get bullied by the voices in my stomach.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

I don’t like the person I become when I’m alone in the break room with a box of donuts.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

The Christmas tree I’ve had up all year makes a lot more sense now.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Jan 20, 2026

3,530

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Sunday should be 48 hours instead of 24. I need more time to be ready for Monday.

Making waves on Threads:

The idea of a relationship is so much better than the reality, bruh. I used to be angry at 7 a.m.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Just did my own taxes, I should be in jail by Friday.

Going viral on YouTube:

Dear 8 hours of sleep, I miss you so much.

Making waves on Facebook:

Why did they call it long distance running and not fardio?

Seen just now on Telegram:

Date night idea: fight another couple.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn’t wear deodorant.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

It’s so important to warm up before any physical activity, like getting out of bed.

Just landed via Messenger:

Checking a selfie only to find there’s a demon in the reflection behind you, and it looks significantly healthier than you.

Welcome to Twitter, where everyone is an expert on everything.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, Twitter – the magical land where folks turn into all-knowing geniuses in 280 characters or less! 🧙‍♂️💡 Just remember, on this platform, even a cat could be considered a leading authority on quantum physics. 🐱🔬 #ExpertsEverywhere"

everyone, everything, expert, humor, irony, media, online, opinion, sarcasm, social, social media, Twitter, welcome, where

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on Pinterest this month:

Not to brag, but I just stood up without making a sound. Don’t be jealous.

77 shares on Slack this month:

My last husband’s name is Don. I just added an E to it and walked away.

48 shares on Messenger this month:

I do not like how Netflix threatens to start the movie while I’m just tryna read the description. Like, please, you’re making me anxious.

89 shares on Reddit this month:

I don’t give people directions. What if no one wants them there?

23 shares on TikTok this month:

My favorite hobby is withering away.

34 shares on Discord this month:

Alcohol: When you want to run away from your problems without moving.

75 shares on WeChat this month:

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I have no idea how people meet at the gym. I turn into a disgusting, angry swamp witch every time I exercise.

88 shares on Instagram this month:

I ordered mushrooms on my pizza. When do they kick in?

81 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Drugs and alcohol take years off your life and give them to Keith Richards.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m just another dysfunctional train wreck barreling down the tracks with a smile.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Achieving AGI by reducing the intelligence of the average human rather than increasing the intelligence of AI.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop eating around the bush or whatever the saying is.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realizing that the other person is completely stupid.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If you send a man to war today, he’s gonna go there and take dark exposure aesthetic pics.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Probably the most depressed I’ve ever been in my life, except for a bunch of other times.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Bands are always like “here’s another song”. Yeah, no shit, that’s pretty much all you do.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

British people be like “I’m Bri ish” cause they drank the “T”

20 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s a reason we say cheese and not salad when we have to smile for a photo.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Men used to go to war, now they want to be the little spoon.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,336

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

A true friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg, even though they know you’re slightly cracked.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Some of you are still single because, when someone sends you romantic words, you reply with “hahaha.”

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Mood to play music louder than my thoughts.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Kitchen sex, because it might be your only chance of getting laid on an island this summer.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Ok, I cheated in school, but I did it the hard way and without AI.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

Deciding if I should heal or just give up and go completely insane.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Having to pay to read scientific and scholarly articles is a really disgusting and pathetic practice.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

I can’t do the splits. But so far there has never been a situation where I’ve thought, “I should do the splits now.”

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

When pregnant women are around, watch what you say. Nowadays, anything will be used as a name.

Going viral on Facebook:

I think my leftovers are old enough to throw themselves away.

Making waves on Twitch:

I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors.

Going viral on YouTube:

Marry someone the same size as you to avoid decades of annoyance adjusting the seats and mirrors in the car.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Was that meant to be a joke or did you just accidentally spill a bunch of words you were carrying around?

Going bananas on WeChat:

In my experience, bowling and pancakes have the same energy. High hopes at the beginning, lowered self-esteem at the end.

Going viral on X:

I like listening to music in languages I don’t speak because sometimes I just don’t wanna know what anybody is talking about.

Shared recently on Reddit:

My keys fell in the snow, and now they’re gone forever — time to start a new life under a new name in a warmer climate.

Making waves on Reddit:

I’m going back to the 90s, if anyone wants to come.

Going bananas on WeChat:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn’t for throwing at people who stress you out?

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