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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ญ๐Ÿ‡บ has bookmarked:

Silence is golden. But duct tape is silver.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ช has copied:

Are you stupid, sand? You could just lay here forever on this beautiful beach, but no, you have to try with all you’ve got, to get into my shoes.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡พ has bookmarked:

When you drink red wine from a cup, it looks like fruit tea and you are also admired by others for your healthy lifestyle.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฉ๐Ÿ‡ฐ has copied:

I decided not to go for a run today because of the weather, but mostly because of the running.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ช๐Ÿ‡จ has downloaded:

Diet Coke is just a fridge cigarette.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฟ has viewed:

Just so you know, it’s almost impossible to drink coffee while laying down.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡น has shared:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your dog can stay home for the hour you’re at the grocery store or restaurant.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡จ has downloaded:

JFK is the perfect name for this airport because it’s a bloody headache.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has viewed:

Laundry has to be the most sinister chore. Always waiting, always lurking.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ผ has bookmarked:

Youโ€™re so productive for your wage.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,478

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

To everyone I offended this year: do better next year, so I donโ€™t have to do it again.

Seen just now on Threads:

Just cleaned out my junk drawer if anyone needs a CD to reinstall Windows 95.

Just landed via Facebook:

Oh my God, “unc” means uncool. I thought it meant uncle. Like you’re carrying the energy of someone’s weird uncle.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Fifty shades of I miss you.

Seen just now on Threads:

Indiana Jones is a fantasy about being a professor with no admin duties.

Going viral on WeChat:

Having a peanut allergy has to be so wild. Like, imagine youโ€™re at a baseball game and there are people chucking bags of rattlesnakes past your head.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who theyโ€™re dealing with behind the wheel.

Trending via YouTube:

Remembering my youth, and a time where I could breath out of more than one nostril at once.

Seen just now on Threads:

We should start referring to age as “levels.” So when you’re level 80, it sounds a lot cooler than just being an older person.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Sometimes you have to sit back and imagine what life could be if it wasnโ€™t a horrifying nightmare.

Went fishing and actually caught a fish. So now I gotta deal with this shit.

Humorous quote about unexpectedly catching a fish and the amusing frustration that follows.
Download image โ†“

Commentary:
"Who knew the fish would take the bait so literally?! ๐ŸŽฃ Looks like you reeled in more than you bargained for this time! Maybe it's time to upgrade to catch-and-release fishing…or invest in a bigger frying pan! ๐ŸŸ๐Ÿ”ฅ"

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Trending Funny Quotes ๐Ÿ‘‡

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars โญ

53 shares on Slack this month:

I think when girls start liking pink again, it means theyโ€™re healing.

35 shares on Snapchat this month:

You will give your period 50 acres of prime pad, and it will still choose to encroach on your underwear.

97 shares on YouTube this month:

Being an adult feels like, โ€œIf I can just get through this week, Iโ€™ll be okay,โ€ but itโ€™s every damn week.

71 shares on Telegram this month:

I like my messages, how I like my nuts โ€“ MIXED.

22 shares on YouTube this month:

Your secret is safe with me because I donโ€™t care.

62 shares on Reddit this month:

So proud of my ancestors for crawling out of the sea and evolving lungs. Pretty disappointed in them ever since though.

50 shares on Pinterest this month:

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.

28 shares on Snapchat this month:

Heโ€™s a 10 but so is his volume.

19 shares on X this month:

I don’t see why walking is healthy. Zombies walk constantly and they look awful.

53 shares on Pinterest this month:

Nothing bores me like twins who donโ€™t look alike, you shouldโ€™ve just dropped later if youโ€™re not going to participate.

Trending Topics ๐Ÿ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes ๐Ÿ’ฅ

15 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Remember when we had to smack the TV because the channel wasnโ€™t coming in clearly? I feel that way about far too many people.

12 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I’m in my thirties, but I still feel like I am in my twenties; then I hang out with people in their twenties, and I’m like nope, definitely in my thirties.

21 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

โ€œIโ€™m at the age where, if I use the wrong pillow at night, it hurts to turn my head the next day.โ€

23 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Just because the deodorant says 48 hrs, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

11 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

You got beef with me, but none in your fridge. That’s why you’re mad. You’re hungry.

14 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I think I’ll just sit here and waste oxygen all day.

8 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons, and 85% morons.

6 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

Words I heard most when I ran errands with my dad: “Wait in the truck.”

24 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

If I had The Force, I’d just use it to open pistachios.

17 folks are currently checking ๐Ÿ‘€

I’ve walked the walk, but nowadays I just sit the sit.

Funny Quotes Data ๐Ÿค“

New Funny Quotes

calculatingโ€ฆ

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,475

Activity Log โœจ

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ธ has bookmarked:

My doctor told me “good luck” and gave me finger guns, so obviously I’m dying.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ช has viewed:

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has bookmarked:

Eating the rest of the donuts will keep me from eating donuts tomorrow. My logic is flawless.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฒ๐Ÿ‡ณ has viewed:

You either die a people pleaser, or live long enough to start leaving texts on read.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ด has shared:

Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ช has viewed:

That moment of panic when they invite you inside at the start of the birthday party you thought was a drop off.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡ฑ has downloaded:

I concern myself with the opinions of sheep because they are cute.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ง๐Ÿ‡ฆ has downloaded:

Meds have done more for me than any man ever could.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฉ has bookmarked:

Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and heโ€™ll explode.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ต๐Ÿ‡ช has shared:

Everyone’s an expert after the fact.

Social Media Log ๐Ÿ’ซ

Trending via Messenger:

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

Breaking via Reddit:

I saw someone wearing a shirt today that said โ€œEat Pasta Run Fasta,โ€ and I canโ€™t get it out of my head.

Spotted on Telegram:

I always stop the microwave before it beeps because it’s not the boss of me.

Trending via Facebook:

Any tips on being smart? For someone just getting into thinking.

Just landed via TikTok:

Calling it a situationship, and the whole time, the situation is that they don’t want you.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I do not know how to put this gently, but part of being a good driver is using the gas and brake as little as humanly possible.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I’m forming a Wham! cover band with 3 other bald guys called Hairless Whisper.

Live now on Telegram:

Summer is the time when it’s too hot to do what it was too cold to do in winter.

Freshly posted on X:

Lord of the Rings is wild cause Gandalf told Frodo he had to go on a super dangerous journey and Frodo was like โ€œOk, can I bring my gardener?โ€

Trending via Facebook:

Can you check if my lips taste like cherries?

ยฉ 2026. All rights reserved.

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