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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

We went out on a boat to see whales and the crew encouraged us to clap and cheer for the whales and boo at the regular fish.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

Cleaning the kitchen, but saw the laundry, so I watered a plant, and now I’m making a dentist appointment.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

At a job interview: think of me as the rightful heir to the throne.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

The actors you see in movies are probably home by now.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Why do chefs always have to cut everything so fast? It’s just an onion man, why don’t you relax?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

The Airbnb reviews never tell you how comfortable the toilets are for falling asleep on.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

A garlic a day keeps the doctor away.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

When life gives you lemons, give them back and ask what the crap is all about.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

God: “You’re all really bad at this.”

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Keep moving, lady, I don’t have room for you in my delusions right now.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,406

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

Why is there a level 6 for toasters? As if someone thinks: “Tonight I’m really in the mood for ashes with butter!”

Going viral on Discord:

I’m glad the makers removed all the unnecessary sex scenes from my life, so I can focus on character development.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I can’t wait until I’m old enough to pretend I can’t hear.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

The older I get, I realize my mom was right, but I just didn’t like her tone.

Broadcasted on Slack:

One thing I miss about the pandemic is getting to rip my mask off like I just botched a surgery.

Just landed via Discord:

Getting the ick because he put the windshield wipers on at a higher rate than was needed.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I hate to brag but I excel at my faults.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I’m not going to die because of an accident. Nor because of an illness. But from small talk. Someone will say one boring sentence too many and I’ll drop dead.

Shared recently on Reddit:

To everyone who opens the fridge, stares, and closes it hoping new snacks will appear… You’re my people.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Netflix has every movie except the one you want to watch.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

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When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.
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Commentary:
"Let this be a friendly reminder to always drive safely, unless you want your passengers to inherit grandpa's knack for drama!"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on Telegram this month:

“How am I supposed to avoid Al when I’ve procrastinated on a paper?” With a night full of caffeine and nicotine like your forefathers, you babies.

25 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Sitting in an antique chair is weird, like this thing has seen so many butts.

85 shares on Messenger this month:

I love jogging in this heat, cause the sweat hides my tears.

46 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“Grey” is a better spelling than “gray” because “e” is a greyer letter than “a.” I will not elaborate.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

One day you’re hip and cool, and then out of nowhere you say things like hip and cool.

41 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

22 shares on Reddit this month:

Awkward is the new sexy. At least that’s what I’m telling myself, so I don’t cry in front of strangers.

31 shares on X this month:

Adulthood is realising no one cares about you, and the show must go on.

45 shares on Messenger this month:

“Inconvenience is the cost of community,” I repeat to myself as I climb six flights of stairs for my friend’s birthday party for her cat.

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you want to experience hunger, go and live with a wealthy person or family.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The problem with believing that nothing matters except you, is that eventually everyone will just leave you alone to take extra special care of yourself.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I forgot the word “espresso” so I asked the barista for a smaller, angrier coffee.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Spices were first brought to Western Europe in the Middle Ages. Some of them are still at the back of my cupboard.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making all of the food that is unhealthy for you taste so good.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Therapy? I have Spotify.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Instead of saying “Good morning,” my wife and I go straight into explanations of how badly we each slept.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I thought being an adult meant cake for breakfast, not budgeting for therapy.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

We need a Disney princess who’s a greedy profiteer, so we can cheer for the poison apple.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

216 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,485

Funny Quotes Topics

17,557

Funny Quotes Images

15,485

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,325

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

When I like a song, I repeat it until the artist comes out and ask for water.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

I love admitting when I’m wrong, because it gives me a break from always being right, like finally.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Men used to build castles for women they love, but now they think replying on time is too much effort.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

I love saying “my man” and not his name, so when I get a new one, nobody knows.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Flirting is easy until you have to flirt with the person you like.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Remember the good old days when you didn’t have to wonder if the person messaging you was a bot or not?

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

You can just comment, “You two look nice,” on a photo of three people. It’s free and legal.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

People who grew up with money will look you in the eyes and ask you something insane like, “Do you ski?”

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

I’m so hungry, I could eat my own cooking.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206 of them.

Making waves on Slack:

Welcome to your 50s. If you don’t have a mysterious ailment, one will be assigned to you shortly.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I think we should all try to spend more time online. It seems to be helping society.

Live now on WeChat:

Autocorrect changed ‘are you around?’ to ‘are you aroused?’ and my buddy didn’t want to hang out today.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

That moment when rappers mispronounce a word just to make it rhyme.

Just shared via Slack:

Vatican City should be called Popenhagen.

Shared recently on X:

I don’t know the difference between “gray” & “grey” and I’m too scared to even ask.

Going viral on X:

The way that we’re constantly told not to eat silica gel makes me suspect that it contains all the world’s forbidden knowledge.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Maturity is when you realize money can actually buy happiness.

Making waves on Telegram:

Are you my pinky toe, because I will bang you on all my furniture.

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