Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

We could have high-speed rail that connects the entire country, but instead we get AI porn bots that steal all of our drinking water to entertain the dumbest people alive.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

If a government has online beef with a pop star, it has already lost.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

My neighbor won’t stop talking about his Rolex and I can’t believe someone stole it tomorrow.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

My boss told me to show initiative, so I decided to finish work early.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

Santa went woke and gave me a small solar panel instead of coal.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Suffering from a forehead kisses deficiency (self-diagnosed).

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Getting to know someone these days is impossible. No one is really single, everyone has something going on, is hung up on their ex or is otherwise damaged in some way.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Give it to me straight, doc, what can I do to be healthier besides changing my entire lifestyle?

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

25 is the new 0 years old.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,541

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

Some days you have breakfast for dinner and live life on your own terms.

Breaking via Slack:

I made a smoothie that needs a spoon.

Live now on Telegram:

If you wear glasses, we expect a lot from you academically, especially if your glasses have a rope.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.

Breaking via X:

I had a sex dream last night that felt so real, I’m just gonna go ahead and add it to my body count.

Going viral on TikTok:

Calling ahead to the cafe to warn them to “get those beans brewing”.

Seen just now on Facebook:

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

Going bananas on Threads:

We all have needs. I need my wife to go run errands so I can swipe the last donut.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

The true horror genre: my old Facebook statuses.

Seen just now on Facebook:

A female will ghost you, and the whole time she is waiting for you to text back again.

Why did they call it long distance running and not fardio?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Why did they call it long distance running and not fardio? Because turning 'far' into 'fart' just wasn't classy enough 🏃‍♂️💨😆"

call, distance, exercise, fardio, humor, long distance, pun, running, wordplay

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

They probably killed the first few people whose eyes turned red in a photograph before they realized it wasn’t any demon stuff.

0

2 months ago

before, demon, eyes, humor, joke, killed, misunderstanding, paranormal, people, photograph, photography, red, stuff, supernatural, superstition, turned
Onesies are amazing till you have to really pee in the middle of the night then you question all your life’s decisions.

0

2 months ago

amazing, clothing, comfort, decision, humor, life, life decision, night, onesy, pee, practicality, question, sleepwear, struggle
Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

0

2 months ago

humor, immigrant, irony, job, lazy, paradox, person, Schrodinger, stealing, too, work
Can’t argue with a guy that has curly hair. Whatever you say, gorgeous.

0

2 months ago

argue, compliment, confidence, curly, curly hair, flattery, gorgeous, guy, hair, humor
Changing my passwords regularly has certainly helped protect my accounts. Against me.

0

2 months ago

accounts, changing, humor, irony, me, password, passwords, security, self sabotage
If a man says he’ll fix it, he will fix it. There’s no need to remind him every six months.

0

2 months ago

every, fix, forgetfulness, hell, humor, man, months, need, patience, procrastination, promise, reliability, remind, repair, six

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

56 shares on YouTube this month:

People that I dislike shouldn’t be allowed to consume the media that I like.

52 shares on Threads this month:

The world was better off when street gangs settled things with choreographed dance battles.

45 shares on Threads this month:

The Gulf of Mexico should’ve been renamed to Sea Señor.

41 shares on Facebook this month:

Do I work hard? No. But do I work smart to compensate. Absolutely not.

76 shares on X this month:

I’m fighting for free speech. Mine, not yours, so be quiet.

31 shares on Snapchat this month:

Trying to spend less time on my phone so I can get back to something I’ve loved since childhood: watching TV.

69 shares on Telegram this month:

I wanted to wear some hot lingerie, but didn’t have any, so I put on this red dental floss.

96 shares on Twitch this month:

Guys love being called “daddy” until the pregnancy test comes back positive.

12 shares on X this month:

When I’m drafting a legal document, I’ll sprinkle the word “herein” all over that thing like it’s paprika.

53 shares on Reddit this month:

Befuddlingly, a palm tree won’t fit in your hand.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

You’re all using your crystals wrong. Put them in a sock and start swinging.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Rent really don’t make no sense. Like, why is my apartment getting a raise every year? Who is doing the performance review?

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

If I was ever told to “dress to impress”, my first thought would be to get the Batman suit out.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

I hate how what would have been a parody is now reality.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Everyone loves a little silent treatment on the weekend.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

That moment you turn down the music while driving around looking for a street address, so you can see better.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

Choosing to ignore my strangely symbolic dream because I have a lot going on right now already.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Big decision to make? Sleep on it. Have a nightmare. Then you’ll be operating on pure adrenaline and will choose more quickly.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Manipulative people really be like “oh, so now I’m the bad guy for being the bad guy?”

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

Lack of sex really gets you mad at every little thing for no reason.

Just shared via Facebook:

And to my children I leave my collection of tote bags and gift bags.

Just shared via Threads:

Finally gathered all my thoughts and now they’re jumping me.

Just landed via Twitch:

Nothing humbles me faster than my phone camera accidentally turning on.

Just landed via WeChat:

The main reason I got divorced was cause I got married.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Imagine thinking you have all the answers.

Going viral on WeChat:

Slipping into something more comfortable, another dimension.

Trending via Snapchat:

“23 and Me” is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events.

Trending via TikTok:

One of the great joys in this life is looking at your pet’s weird little teeth.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Some of these fake tans look like an old Tupperware container that’s had marinara sauce in it.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Why did they call it long distance running and not fardio?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

They probably killed the first few people whose eyes turned red in a photograph before they realized it wasn’t any demon stuff.

Onesies are amazing till you have to really pee in the middle of the night then you question all your life’s decisions.

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

Can’t argue with a guy that has curly hair. Whatever you say, gorgeous.

Changing my passwords regularly has certainly helped protect my accounts. Against me.

If a man says he’ll fix it, he will fix it. There’s no need to remind him every six months.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨