WICHITA—After years of marital bliss, local woman Sandra Hobbs had a startling epiphany this week: her husband, Gary, is the human embodiment of Monday. “Every time he walks into a room, I just feel an inexplicable sense of dread,” Sandra confessed. “At least Mondays have the decency to come with coffee breaks.”

Confronted with his newfound title, Gary seemed less than thrilled. “I’ve tried to be more of a Friday or at least a Wednesday, but I guess I can’t shake that Mopey Monday vibe,” he admitted, eyeing his collection of novelty ties that went untouched since 2008. “Maybe having a case of the Garys is just something she has to live with.”

Family therapist Dr. Elmer Points wasn’t surprised by the revelation. “We see spouses transformed into days of the week quite often,” he explained. “If a partner starts serving decaf and wearing large, beige sweaters, it’s usually a sign they’re pivoting toward Monday.” Dr. Points suggests couples yoga and a strict ban on khaki pants to escape the dreaded weekday transformation.