FORT WORTH—Violet Henderson, 28, was shocked when her lifelong dream of marrying a wealthy, elderly suitor turned ironically tragic after she succumbed to a freak avocado accident, dying first. “I thought I had it all planned out,” she confessed in a pre-written statement.

Henderson’s aunt, who spoke on condition of anonymity, said, “She always claimed she’d have Johnny’s fortune by Christmas, but I guess she forgot to tell him avocados don’t fall into Christmas stockings.”

Following Henderson’s unexpected demise, the bemused octogenarian, Harold McGee, reportedly told reporters, “I was looking forward to spending my twilight years being lovingly extorted. Mourners say Henderson would’ve made a great trophy wife, ‘if not for her comedic timing.'”