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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

People who play golf don’t concern me nearly as much as the people who watch it.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

How great is it to do absolutely nothing and follow it up by taking a rest.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Life is basically avoiding people who have seen you naked, whilst trying to find new people to see you naked.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

If by ‘leg day’ you mean a day that we put your legs on my shoulders, then yes, I love leg day.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Girls will be like, “This is my comfort song,” and it’s the howling of a wolf inside a dark forest.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

If your name is “Guy”, you have lazy parents.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

It feels like a million o’clock right now.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

If a demon ever possessed me, I’d just sit back and say, “Your problem now.”

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

I talk to myself mostly because I am an excellent listener.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,683

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

I love hard, but I stupid harder.

Just shared via Messenger:

I hate when I lose things at work, like my favorite pen or my will to live.

Just landed via TikTok:

Cigarettes are a better networking tool than LinkedIn could ever dream of being.

Seen just now on Threads:

Let’s go out for carrots sometime.

Seen just now on Telegram:

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

Just landed via TikTok:

People in their 20s be like, “This is my emotional support master’s degree.”

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

Making waves on Messenger:

The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe, Eat cake.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I’m so cold, I wish I could get in the dryer.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

The more I practice, the luckier I get.

“You don’t load the dishwasher right,” I said to my wife just before it permanently became my job.

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“You don’t load the dishwasher right,” I said to my wife just before it permanently became my job.
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Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'dishwasher loading dispute' – a tale as old as time! 🍽️😅 Looks like the dishwasher duty switcheroo is real, folks! Remember, it's all fun and games until you become the designated dishwasher master!🧼🤷‍♂️"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on LinkedIn this month:

All the observable evidence suggests that, if I was much worse at my job, I’d be more likely to get a promotion to senior management.

75 shares on Slack this month:

Cinderella was a mess. I mean, I have bad taste in men, but at least I never settled for a guy who couldn’t remember what my face looked like.

99 shares on Threads this month:

Behind every beautiful woman is either tummy issues, low iron, or poor eyesight.

14 shares on Twitch this month:

You should get a pension for having to go to school for so many years.

19 shares on YouTube this month:

Waffles are just pancakes with convenient boxes to hold your syrup.

48 shares on Facebook this month:

As long as you don’t ever give them your real name, they can’t accuse you of not keeping the mystery alive in your relationship.

83 shares on X this month:

I know I seem a little crazy sometimes, but that’s because I AM.

25 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Welcome to your 40s, where the hair shows up uninvited and looks pissed to be here.

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

Updating my resume. Anyone got a more professional word for “dumpster fire”?

38 shares on Messenger this month:

Whole crypto scheme is built on people too dumb for crypto that aren’t self-aware enough to realize it.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve tasted being employed, and I’ve tasted being unemployed. I recommend not being born.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Marriage! Because your shitty day doesn’t have to end at work.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Tall people make me nervous. What the hell are you doing up there? Stop eating the leaves off that tree.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

“Don’t let me keep you!” Translation: Please go.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

May he drop his phone on his face while he’s texting other girls.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If anyone wants a more cost effective energy provider, I can supply endless energy on tap from my absolutely not tired child at bedtime.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

My brain doesn’t sea typos until I’ve already hit send.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Hosting Thanksgiving? Bring up politics so everyone will leave early.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Being an adult feels like, “If I can just get through this week, I’ll be okay,” but it’s every damn week.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I am at my Thanksgiving table observing personality disorders that have not been identified yet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,619

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Reading is a gateway drug to being less stupid.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

But that was my emotional support daylight.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

What do you mean I never reach out? I literally thought about you.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Heartbreaking: Introvert sentenced to 100 hours of hanging out.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

Oh, you like NYC? Name every rat.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

You should be able to wash your hair and it stays washed. What do you mean I have to do it again?

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Has anyone lived long enough to buy a second bottle of Worcestershire sauce?

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

I’ve got a soft heart and a savage mouth. I’m like a Hallmark card written by Gordon Ramsay.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Instagram:

Hi, where do you meet someone without dating apps and if you never leave your apartment? I need tips, please. Urgently!

Live now on Facebook:

When your kids embarrass you in public, the only way out is to turn away in disgust and mutter loudly, “Who raised you?”

Making waves on Instagram:

Youngest siblings are literally weaponized incompetence, final boss.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Can’t believe I didn’t get invited to that party I would have made up an excuse not to go to.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Getting older means talking to less people and complaining about more people.

Going bananas on Reddit:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here plucking chin hairs.

Just shared via X:

One of the most underrated benefits of having a cat is that you get another creature to look around in confusion with you when you hear a random loud-ass noise in the middle of the night.

Trending via Slack:

Comments other people make during a movie are annoying. Comments I make during a movie enhance the experience.

Going viral on Facebook:

If I ask “What’s your zodiac sign?” it’s either because we’re vibing or you’re getting on my nerves.

Just landed via Discord:

Having a job is crazy. When you’re at home, you feel lonely and want to go to work. When you’re at work, you’re exhausted and just want to go home.

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