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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Just had my biannual teeth cleaning like some barn animal.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has copied:

I’m ready for a new relationship. My past is buried in the backyard, to fertilize the tomatoes.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

My favorite part about standing in line is watching the other lines move more quickly.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Thought I was a minimalist, turns out I’m just broke.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Why can’t Chinese restaurants chop the broccoli in their dishes? I feel like I’m trying to fit an entire bonsai tree into my mouth.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Sorry, I ghosted you. I just felt like you were gonna ghost me, so I did it first.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Turns out I’m not an afternoon person either.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,619

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

Life is short, flirt with me!

Going viral on Pinterest:

Unfortunately, you have to almost worship the ground I walk on for me to believe you’re into me.

Making waves on Threads:

Too poor for Ozempic but too undisciplined for strict diet and exercise. Is there a secret third option?

Making waves on Instagram:

Sorry about my behavior as of late. I have plastic in my brain.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall.

Spotted on Messenger:

How do I even know this guy is my “boss”? I’ve just been taking his word for it.

Going viral on Reddit:

One of the voices in my head brought up an excellent point, so obviously he had to go.

You ever look at yourself on the self-checkout camera and think, “wow, I better write my will.”

You ever look at yourself on the self-checkout camera and think, “wow, I better write my will.”
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Commentary:
"Self-checkout cameras: turning everyday shopping trips into dramatic episodes of our own lives since forever! 💸📸😱 #SelfieScare #DramaticShopping"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

4,058

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Introverts be like “I know a place”, then go home.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

A simple “hi” can be the beginning of two years of therapy.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Meetings are just podcasts I didn’t choose.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

I’m not going to die because of an accident. Nor because of an illness. But from small talk. Someone will say one boring sentence too many and I’ll drop dead.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Real lovers are currently single, by the way.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

I honestly have no idea what a vitamin is. It’s in a banana but it’s also the sun? Sure.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

I’ve learned a lot over the years, but the best advice I can ever give someone is never buy a used harmonica.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Married life: Telling your partner the same sentence 7 days in a row, only for him to say, “You definitely never told me that!”

Making waves on Snapchat:

“Cut my life into pieces” screamed the earthworm and threw itself in front of my spade.

Making waves on Facebook:

Socialism isn’t wrong because it has compassion. It’s wrong because it doesn’t work.

Freshly posted on X:

Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Just as “magic spells” use special rhymes and archaic terms to signal their power, the convoluted language of legalese acts to convey a sense of authority.

Going viral on Instagram:

One day you’re young and carefree, and the next you have a favorite stove burner.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions, chocolate understands.

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