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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

I’m a simple person. All I need in life to be happy is to have everything go my way and work out how I want it to.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Eating trail mix should count as hiking.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Thanksgiving should be called Feaster.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

I’m sorry I bit your hand when you reached for my popcorn.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

I had too much to think last night.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has shared:

Before social media, you had to actively go out and find crazy people.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

My summer body has been pending for about ten years.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realizing that the other person is completely stupid.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

My coworkers think I’m always busy, but I’m really just trying to remember my password.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Have an early flight tomorrow, so naturally I’m going to stay up late tonight and be weird in my room.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,276

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

An app where you and your partner swipe left and right on restaurants until there’s a match. No talking, no negotiation. Who’s building this?

Shared recently on YouTube:

I wonder if my date ever found her way out of that corn maze.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I am just a man, a man who told a woman to calm down, so I guess this is goodbye.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Why are plane tickets so expensive? You’re going that way anyway, just give me a ride.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Parenting is yelling ‘you just had a snack!’ over and over until you give in and throw them another snack.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Perfume is key, but deodorant is keyer and showering is keyest.

Just landed via Slack:

Twitter is diarrhea of the mouth at its finest. Everyone is just going around vomiting whatever is in their brains.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Ever been in the car with someone who drives so fast that you press your imaginary brakes on the passenger side?

Making waves on Pinterest:

I think you misunderstood – when I said, “Let me look into it,” that meant, “I don’t know exactly how to tell you no just yet.”

Going viral on YouTube:

Do crabs underwater think that fishes fly?

You know when you have so much to do that you just sit down and do nothing?

2 months ago

0

You know when you have so much to do that you just sit down and do nothing?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the classic paradox of productivity! 🤯💼 It's like having a deadline approaching at the speed of light, but instead of tackling the tasks, you end up in a staring contest with your to-do list. Procrastination game strong! 😂 #MasterOfAvoidingResponsibilities

doing, doing nothing, humor, just, know, life, much, nothing, overwhelm, procrastination, productivity, relaxation, sit, tasks

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The Playstation is broken and the child has noticed that I live here too.

0

2 months ago

broken, child, family, gaming, here, humor, i, live, noticed, observation, parenting, Playstation, too
If you can’t handle me at my worst, then honestly, you’re missing out because that’s when my jokes and bits get really, really good.

0

4 months ago

attitude, bit, good, handle, humor, joke, jokes, me, missing, personality, relationship, worst
You’re the ‘S’ to my ‘HTTP’; without you, I’m just a bad connection!

0

2 months ago

bad, computer, connection, digital, humor, internet, just, love, pun, relationship, tech
Sorry, my bedroom looks like a child with a credit card decorated it. Do you still want to bone?

0

5 months ago

bedroom, bone, card, child, credit, credit card, decorated, decoration, flirt, humor, looks, messy, messy room, room, sorry, still, want
Someone told me I’ve gained weight. I told them it was for a part in a movie. I’ve never acted in my life. Until that moment.

0

2 months ago

acting, creativity, humor, i, joke, life, ly, me, moment, movie, never, self-deprecation, someone, told, weight
Nothing fixes your life the way deactivating Instagram does.

0

2 months ago

deactivation, detox, digital, digital detox, fix, humor, Instagram, life, media, nothing, social, social media

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

88 shares on LinkedIn this month:

According to my chocolate advent calendar, tomorrow is Christmas.

55 shares on Threads this month:

There’s a weird kind of grief that comes with late August, and I can’t explain it.

87 shares on YouTube this month:

Imagine being in the Trojan horse with the lads, pure darkness and giggling like hehehe

55 shares on Facebook this month:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to run my brain through the dishwasher.

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The biggest first-world problem is having your favorite makeup product be discontinued.

47 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I will eventually be able to get back in the bed.

77 shares on YouTube this month:

The note on this boxed wine says ‘Fresh up to 6 weeks after opening’. 6 weeks. Lol.

84 shares on Slack this month:

I think, therefore I am. I am, therefore I think. Therefore I am. I think.

11 shares on Messenger this month:

People are too casual about the fact that parrots can talk.

39 shares on Slack this month:

I’m tired of things costing money.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

A fly swatter, but for close talkers.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

There are too many neglected emojis.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Why do you always wanna change your life before you fall asleep, then in the morning you wake up like ‘Nah!’

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Always be kind. You never know who has subscriptions to your favorite streaming apps.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If you bring an acoustic guitar to a bonfire, I’m going to assume it’s for fuel.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I was not made for a 9 to 5; I was made to eat pasta and lay in the sun like a lizard.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

When you are stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets, because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband and I fell in love at first sight. Maybe I should have taken a second look.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to brag, but I drove and found a place I was looking for without turning down my music today.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The era where you dropped your phone and your battery flew out was just crazy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,271

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Whatever you ask the Universe for under this post, you will get next week.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

Starting a new life today, bye.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

Everyone’s a gangster until they have to say sorry.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

People who live alone should get one practice conversation before they have to speak out loud for the first time that day.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

I think God was high when he made me.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Apartments show you 44 pics of the lobby. Man, I ain’t living in there.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

You sound unhinged. Let’s go get mugshots.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

Carrots are a great thing to eat when you’re hungry, and want to stay that way.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Summer is here. Always put on some suncream to help the rain run off.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

I think my new neighbors are creeps. They seem to be looking into my window every time I’m looking out my window to see what they are doing.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

The ultimate student paradox: skipping class to avoid stress, only to stress about skipping class!

Shared recently on Facebook:

Phone addiction got so bad that watching a movie feels productive.

Freshly posted on Threads:

While the optimist and pessimist argued about the glass of water, the opportunist drank it.

Spotted on Reddit:

“Stalking”. God forbid I have access to public information and know how to utilize my resources.

Trending via Slack:

People who sound like fonts: Ariana Grande. Roman Roy. Jim Courier. Lydia West. Bon Iver. Suella Braverman. Jesse Ventura.

Trending via WeChat:

Have you ever pretended not to look at the biscuits or sweets being handed around the room, and acted surprised when you got offered one?

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Jobs be asking me for 3 references, and I think I might start doing the same. Like, let me talk to 3 happy employees, please.

Spotted on Facebook:

Imagine hating me, and I’m not even paying attention.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

A babysitter is a teenager who acts like an adult while the adults go out to act like teenagers.

Shared recently on X:

If my fingers don’t motion like scissors snipping when I ask for a haircut at the salon, how will they know what I mean?

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