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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Nothing tops a plain pizza.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

I have browser tabs open that are older than you.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Social media may have been a mistake.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Wishing all the contacts in my phone “Merry Christmas, I hope you get what you deserve” and just letting that work itself out.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has copied:

In all the movies, Santa never goes to the house directly next door. He always gets in his sleigh and flies off like 20 miles east.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Told someone I’m as “single as a pringle and as neato as a dorito” and they blocked me immediately.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

Toast doesn’t talk. How do you know it’s French?

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Another day of meaningless suffering. Let’s see what awaits us tomorrow.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,419

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Telegram:

Chuck Norris passed his driving test on foot.

Spotted on TikTok:

On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

There should be a calorie refund for food that didn’t taste as good as you expected.

Trending via Snapchat:

Doggystyle, so we can both look at the river.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Is he trying to pronounce “charcuterie” or is he having a stroke?

Just shared via Pinterest:

When life shuts a door, open it again. It’s a door. That’s how they work.

Freshly posted on X:

If every day is a gift, today is socks.

Just landed via Twitch:

If I could be in two places at once, I’d be in bed twice.

Trending via Threads:

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

Going bananas on Discord:

Unless I say otherwise, I am always tired.

“You tryna hang?” Yeah bro, myself!

Funny, playful text about self-hanging humor with casual slang and a witty vibe.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, just chilling with the best company ever – myself! Can't disappoint me, can't annoy me, can't steal my fries… Winning at life! 🕺🏼🤣 #JustMeMyselfAndI"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

87 shares on Facebook this month:

If you take a social media sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last post something fun like “I wonder if there’s a bear in this cave?”

90 shares on Twitch this month:

have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

22 shares on X this month:

When I was a kid, there were two ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.

39 shares on Threads this month:

If you look close enough, everyone is insane.

13 shares on YouTube this month:

In a parallel universe, there’s a happy me.

34 shares on Threads this month:

If your kids aren’t drinking enough water, tell them it’s bedtime.

11 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’d imagine the sound of clowns having sex would just be a cacophony of bicycle horns.

15 shares on Facebook this month:

Who decided that skeletons are scary? Because honestly, I’d be more scared if the muscular system suddenly walked into my room.

54 shares on LinkedIn this month:

What’s the point of having sex dreams if you always wake up just when it’s getting down to business?

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Had to sit with a straight face while my landlord told me I was paying his rent and mortgage for him.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t stop thinking about that time at the planetarium where they showed us a picture of earth and everyone booed.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My Saturday was going pretty well until I realized it was Sunday.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Seeking a date so intense even the candles are sweating.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is basically avoiding people who have seen you naked, whilst trying to find new people to see you naked.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Sorry I left you on read, I didn’t mean to open it just yet.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

For the amount of meat you get out of clam, I feel like we could just leave them alone.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

As a pigeon mother, I would never let my pigeon daughter hang around the station. That’s really no place for a young pigeon lady.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I think one quality that makes me incredibly attractive is that I keep my mouth shut when I have nothing to say.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The problem with dating apps is I don’t wanna date someone that would use a dating app.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,366

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

I need a six-month vacation twice a year.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

I just finished cleaning the house for Thanksgiving, so if you’re looking for my family they’ll be in the backyard until Thursday.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

“Life is a marathon, not a sprint.” Cool, I dislike both of those things.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Unpopular activity: minding your own business.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

I know it hurts like hell, and you don’t think you can do it, but it’s just one push-up.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

My therapist says I’m preoccupied with revenge. She’s going to regret that.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

I just bought a universal remote. This changes everything.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Do you want to sit on the porch with me until we die or not?

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

To the tune of ‘Everybody Dance Now’: Himalayan Sea Salt

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Me watching any modern ad: How is this ad an ad for the thing it’s an ad for?

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Reddit:

When the salesman from the hearing aid company calls, I stay on the line and answer every question with ‘What?’

Spotted on Discord:

Some people are like “I’m a people pleaser,” and not a single person is pleased with them.

Just landed via Threads:

Me: Maybe it’s the weed talking but your apartment seems enormous. IKEA Manager: Sir.

Live now on Threads:

I don’t understand why judges get paid so much, others judge me for free.

Making waves on YouTube:

When I was a kid, I thought cicadas were the sound sunshine makes when it’s real hot outside.

Spotted on Messenger:

Packed all my meds into one bottle for a trip and accidentally invented the best trail mix.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Smash Mouth was so right, the years really do start coming and they don’t stop coming.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

If we “talk,” you ain’t single. We’re in a pending relationship. You’re in the cart.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Parent hack: Shut your child’s bedroom door to make your house cleaner.

Just shared via Threads:

Congress taking an entire month off in a country where most people don’t get more than 2 weeks’ vacation is awesome.

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