New funny advice jokes

• “Stop overthinking.” Oh, wow. Hadn’t considered that. Solved.

• “Do something with your life.” Um, I am. Have you heard of a little thing called squandering?

• Maybe the grass is greener over there because you’re not over there messing it up.

• Nothing you want to do has a timeline.

• Relationship tip: Make sure you’re the crazy one.

• Can y’all just post your therapist’s advice in the comments so I don’t have to go?

• There’s no reason to be bored flying on an airplane. Use the time to tell the person next to you your entire life story.

• Text her when the moon looks pretty.

• What are some beginner pieces of information for somebody just getting into knowledge?

• The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm, girl. Never chase a man.

Top funny advice jokes

• “Stop thinking about it.” Wow, thank you, I am cured. You should write a book.

• Breaking News: No matter how close you are with your colleagues, never discuss your personal matters at work. Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

• Daily reminder that you’re biologically programmed to get laid, eat good food, connect with other humans, and enjoy yourself. Everything else is literally made up.

• My advice to kids in kindergarten is to start saving all the money.

• Bro to bro: Never get your haircut on the day of a special event.

• Does anyone know what to do, like in general?

• By 30, you should have settled down with an addiction that works for your lifestyle, no second guessing. You go to work, come home, and [addiction].

• A good relationship is when she is by your side during bad times to tell you that none of this would have happened if you had just listened to her.

• I’ve tasted being the bigger person, I’ve also tasted matching energy. I recommend no contact.

• Wanna know a real adult life hack? Don’t tell anyone when you have a day off. Absolutely no one.

Popular funny advice jokes

• I’ve tasted long-term relationships, I’ve tasted casual dating. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 9 p.m. ..!

• I got a lot of Jedi advice for somebody who could be turned to the dark side by moderate traffic.

• My mother always told me, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, say nothing at all.” Needless to say, I’m not much of a conversationalist.

• Calm yourself, Lucifer. You did the right thing coming to me for advice.

• I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need a special occasion to buy a cake.

• I’ve mastered farting, and it be loud and quick, but the key is don’t make a face or look around, so people can’t pinpoint it to you. Just act natural.

• Have you tried complaining about it?

• Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

• Internet strangers offer the best advice.

• The only lesson I remember from the pandemic is that you’re only supposed to wash your hands if it’s your birthday.

More funny advice jokes

• In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

• Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

• A wise man once said, “Bees don’t waste their time explaining to flies that honey is better than shit.”

• Graduation advice: Stay cool. Don’t be a fool. Avoid being a tool.

• Don’t ask me for work advice, I’m just going to tell you to quit your job.

• If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

• Get off the internet and go sniff a flower.

• “Follow your heart,” as advice, is sort of like “abandon yourself to cognitive bias.”

• Don’t tell me what to do unless you are naked.

• If pills are too toxic to flush down the toilet, you probably shouldn’t swallow them.

Witty advice jokes

• I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.

• Not sure who needs to hear this, but make your bloody bed.

• Telling your parents about your problems is like trying to put out a fire with gasoline.

• Before you try to save someone, make sure you’re not interrupting their karma.

• Twitter is great because you can get good life advice from other emotionally unstable adults.

• “You like talking to yourself?” God forbid I seek advice from an expert.

• Best tips for saving money: lay down and don’t move.

• Stop blaming everyone for your problems. Pick one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

• Telling your parents about your problems is like adding another problem to your life.

• Can anyone recommend some good places for somebody just getting into visiting?