New funny aging jokes

• Welcome to your 50s, you now take supplements to help your memory, but you can’t remember if you took them today.

• One minute you’re young and fun, the next you’re excited about a new vacuum cleaner.

• Handing over my ID at the post office. The clerk said, “You’ve aged quite a bit since this photo was taken.” I said, “Yes, I had it taken just before I joined this queue.”

• These cannot be the same knees that used to get low in heels at the club.

• I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

• Am I just getting older, or are people getting more annoying?

• Welcome to your senior years, where you get mad when they rearrange the grocery store.

• That uncle who kept his distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense to you as you get older.

• The problem is that younger me didn’t account for the fact that there’d be an older me.

• I feel like I’ve skipped the whole ‘go out and have fun’ stage and went straight to being an 80-year-old woman.

Top funny aging jokes

• You know you’re getting old when you get mad at some random car parked outside your house.

• That uncle or aunt who kept their distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense as you get older.

• The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

• I’m getting to the age where it’s rude to pull out a bottle of ibuprofen if I don’t have enough for everyone.

• One minute you’re young and fun, and the next, you’re turning down the stereo in your car to see better.

• I’ve reached the age where I just bought a bird bath for my backyard.

• No Botox. I need to furrow my brow when people say dumb things.

• My transformation into a bitter, angry old woman is almost complete.

• One day you’re young and carefree, and the next you have a favorite stove burner.

• Welcome to your 40’s: you have big plans tonight. No, you don’t.

Popular funny aging jokes

• I can still drop it like it’s hot. It’s just a lot harder to pick it back up.

• Welcome to your 40’s: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

• I personally feel like I have what it takes to become a fossil.

• The thing about being 50+ is that whenever an opportunity to pee is available – you’re wise to take it.

• The older I get, the more I don’t want to do things.

• One day you’re young and fun, and the next thing you know, you’re staring out of a window for no reason.

• When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

• Don’t ask me why, but the older you get, the more you love coffee.

• Old age is like a glorious, extended long weekend, but you always know Monday’s coming.

• It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

More funny aging jokes

• I was hoping to age like a fine wine, but I sort of feel more like an avocado.

• Welcome to your 50s… A new pain will be be assigned to you shortly.

• One minute you’re young and wild, the next minute you’re into air fryers.

• If you burned CDs for the car so your original copies wouldn’t get scratched, it’s time to schedule your colonoscopy.

• I thought my wrinkles were finally getting smaller, but it turns out my eyes were just getting worse.

• My body feels like it’s aging in dog years.

• I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

• Adulthood is just always being tired and wondering how you hurt your back.

• You can tell you’re getting old when the barber spends less time on the top of your head and more time on your ears.

• I’m at the age where I consider any picture of me taken in the last ten years “current.”

Witty aging jokes

• Who called it a biological clock and not an egg timer?

• Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.

• Welcome to your 50s… you can now fall asleep sitting up on the couch at any given moment.

• The older I get, the more I understand why Grumpy Old Men exist.

• The older I get, the more I understand why roosters just scream to start their day.

• Do you think birds, once they get older, start people-watching?

• Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.

• After 30, an all-nighter is not getting up to pee.

• Nothing betrays your age more than the slang you won’t let go of.

• Me: “I’m still young.” My bones: “No, we not.”