New funny attitude jokes

• I can’t be bothered with people that can’t be bothered.

• If you can figure out how to configure your default state to be slightly amused rather than slightly annoyed, you pretty much enter God Mode.

• If you’ve never been hit with gay allegations, you’re not fly enough.

• I’m bad at being sad. Three minutes in, and I’m already making fun of my situation.

• People pleasing doesn’t go well with my black attire.

• Better to be a wolf that everyone hates, than a donkey that everyone rides.

• My superpower is giving you the middle finger using my eyes only.

• This chapter of my life is called “Ummm, okay, I guess whatever.”

• If you have nothing nice to say, I promise you that I’ll have something even worse to say back.

• Just a little reminder to laugh as much as you can, stay hydrated, and don’t let shitty people kill your vibe.

Top funny attitude jokes

• Imagine hating me, and I’m just here unloading my dishwasher.

• Be gentle with me, I’m from the 1900s.

• I literally never want to be the bigger person again. We can both go to hell.

• “I’m not even close to how crazy I’m legally entitled to be.”

• Born to be a hater but forced to understand where you’re coming from.

• Imagine having a negative opinion of me, and I have no idea who you are.

• Being late to work should never be that serious. At least I came?

• How do you text “okay” but in the rudest way possible?

• The sheer audacity of life to ask anything of me today.

• Today I choose kindness, but we’ll see, it’s still early.

Popular funny attitude jokes

• Unfortunately for the haters, I will continue to keep being me.

• I love to watch the enthusiasm of new coworkers, and then their inevitable slow descent into not giving a damn.

• I’m not gonna have a bad day. The day is gonna have a bad me.

• Can’t stand when I’m determined to see something in a negative light, and somebody offers a different, healthier perspective. I already made up my mind to be upset. Don’t be rude.

• We should be able to call in healthy: “I feel amazing today, and I’m not wasting it at work.”

• “Are you getting your period?” God forbid I’m just evil.

• I hate being in that mood where nothing’s really wrong but nothing feels right either.

• Worrying is just worshipping the problem.

• Anyone who thinks being a pessimist isn’t any fun fails to appreciate the joy of saying, ‘I told you so.’

• If I’m too much, go find less. I’m not running a clearance sale.

More funny attitude jokes

• My middle finger salutes you.

• At therapy, saying “Don’t worry about it” to every question.

• Spoiler alert: Monday doesn’t care about your feelings.

• Everyone’s a gangster until they have to say sorry.

• If you have to remind them to give a shit, remind yourself not to.

• Some people are so judgmental, I can tell by just looking at them.

• Hate when I have to be mean. Why would you push a sweet girl this far?

• I’m just here trying to spread a little joy while the world burns. Is that so wrong?

• Show me another rule so I can break that one too.

• I don’t care if my parents are disappointed in me, I’m not impressed by them either.

Witty attitude jokes

• You guys can continue with the week, I’ve stopped here.

• If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

• Your boos don’t mean anything to me. I’ve seen what you people cheer for!

• You ever have one of those days that require the use of both of your middle fingers?

• Spongebob wouldn’t even mess with some of y’all. But he’d hang out with me because my heart is pure, and I like to laugh a lot.

• You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

• Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

• I’m not easily offended, but I am easily annoyed.

• “You’re so chill.” Thanks, I gave up.

• May life treat you exactly the same way you treat servers, store clerks, senior citizens, children, and animals.