New funny body jokes

• When I gain weight, I should get to designate where on my body it goes.

• Wearing expensive perfume to work feels like such a waste. This should be under someone’s full body weight, not in a corporate setting.

• I do not have a “body count.” I have a curious spirit.

• Wish I could step out of my body and take my own damn pictures.

• If they’re called leggings, why is your stomach in there?

• Stretching isn’t enough. I need to be able to disassemble my body like Legos.

• Every time you rub your eyes, they should change color a little.

• I’m gonna dress how I want this summer, and if you think I’m fat, well, so do I.

• The human body is incredible. It’s like, “Oh, you’re stressed and sad? Here, enjoy this acne.”

• I have the body of a god. Sadly, it’s Buddha after brunch.

Top funny body jokes

• Thrifting must be so awesome for big guys and extremely small women.

• The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

• Shaved my bush and went down a pants size.

• Pretty messed up that my body, a chemistry lab made of meat, simply chooses to make me feel a little bit nervous for no reason.

• Sometimes nature makes art, like trees, waterfalls, and the human butt.

• All I’ve ever wanted is to look good naked, hope that someone can take it.

• There are always new uncomplimentary angles to view yourself from. Keep contorting!

• Love those deep burps that instantly make me feel like I lost 10 lbs.

• My body feels like it’s aging in dog years.

• I hate it when I take a picture of myself and see 20 years of bad eating habits and no exercise.

Popular funny body jokes

• I just sneezed and farted at the same time. I think my body just took a screenshot.

• My favorite body lotion is Voltaren.

• My IQ used to be higher than my weight, but now I’m fat and dumb.

• My summer body is just my winter body with better lighting.

• I want to be cremated so that I will get a smoking-hot body again.

• I want a chiropractor to crack my entire body like a glow stick.

• Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.

• Me: “I’m still young.” My bones: “No, we not.”

• Doctor: Your body has run out of magnesium. Me: OMg.

• I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so on my birthday, I smear my body with embryonic fluid.

More funny body jokes

• This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.

• When you want to feel at your thinnest, walk through Walmart at any time of day.

• My body snaps, crackles, and pops louder than my cereal.

• Everyone’s “the nicest guy ever” until the cops are in their backyard digging up several bodies.

• Reverse cowgirl so he doesn’t see the double chin.

• Listen to your body? The body that craves a lethal amount of Kinder Bueno?

• Of course, my summer body is ready; it’s the same as my winter body but sweatier.

• Stretching my back isn’t enough; I need to take out my spine and wring it out like a towel.

• Summer body? Folks, I’m cosplaying as a potato that’s seen some things.

• “Overdressed” is a social construct created by hating girls.

Witty body jokes

• I’ve worn oversized T-shirts so much that I suffocate if I wear one that actually fits.

• Sitting with my legs really wide to experiment with gender.

• If you feel fat and sad just know it’s someone out there fatter than you.

• Holding this fart in feels like I’m pregnant with a dinosaur.

• You ever spend the day with a skinny person and are like “ohhhh, that’s why you’re skinny”.

• You should be allowed to miss work if you’re not feeling sexy.

• Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

• Short men store so much anger in their little body.

• “Listen to your body!” Okay, well, my body wants to lay down and eat snacks all day.

• My body looks like I have a great personality.