50+ Funny Cat Jokes That Prove Your Furry Overlord Runs the House

New funny cat jokes

• May I please come over and curl up in your lap like a cat?

• I know so many people with cats, and only a tiny number of them went to a shelter and picked out a cat. Everyone else I know with a cat has a story that’s like, ‘Yeah, he just moved in.’

• Telemarketer: “Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?” Me, handing the phone to my cat: “It’s for you.”

• The only narcissist I allow in my life is my cat.

• Saturday Night Fever, but it’s just me yelling, “Five, six, seven, eight!” while my cat lies down and refuses to participate.

• I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

• Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

• Cats love to wake you up and go back to sleep. It’s part of their culture.

• I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like a cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

• My cat runs a secret cult. I just pay the rent.

Top funny cat jokes

• Is it cool if I come into your life and just never leave, like a stray cat?

• I love talkative cats. Like, yeah, bro. Meow, meow! You’re so right.

• You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

• With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

• My cat just knocked over my coffee mug and looked at me like it was my fault. How dare I put it on the edge of the table?

• My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

• Cats spend two-thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.

• Horse girls and cat ladies get all the attention, but what about crow women?

• Establish dominance over your cat by suddenly bolting out of the room for no reason.

• The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

Popular funny cat jokes

• Self-care is putting your face on a very soft cat.

• When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

• I’m convinced that if Earth explodes, all the cats will land safely on the moon, on their feet.

• I tried meowing back at the cat to show him I was making an effort, but he just switched to English.

• If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t.

• There’s a cougar warning in my neighborhood, but apparently it’s just a big cat. I bought a case of wine coolers for nothing.

• Washing my hands in the sink and then wiping them on my cat, like a towel.

• If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early, they’re going to have to learn how to make coffee.

• “You let your cat on the bed?” I would put her on my life insurance.

• Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

More funny cat jokes

• Babe, would it kill you to meow back?

• Well, at least my cat is supportive of me doing less and laying around more.

• It’s amazing how cats can ignore you with both ears.

• Cats hear everything. They just don’t care.

• It’s funny how cats have ears on top of their head, but don’t use them.

• I love my cat, but I hope in her next life she’s reincarnated as the owner of a very whiny cat.

• Wanna go back to my place and meow at each other?

• Do you ever look into your cats eyes and realize that a person is inside there?

• If Dracula had a cat, she’d be the one sleeping in the coffin.

• Hairless cats look like the devil screwed up a possession.

Witty cat jokes

• Meow means woof in cat.

• Every outdoor cat should be given a little cowboy hat and a gun.

• Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

• All our dogs think we quit our jobs to spend more time with them. All our cats think we got fired for being lazy.

• Cats have 32 muscles in each ear, to help them ignore you.

• Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.

• I am a friend to all cats. Yes, even the mean ones. They have their reasons.

• My cat smells like cigarettes again and I’m sick of his excuses.

• Cats are probably like: Oh, I should follow you on Litterboxd.

• It probably feels so good to ram your head into something as a cat.