Funny decision jokes prove that making choices—big or small—is often a comedy of errors 🤔🎭. Funny decision jokes capture everything from “should I eat this?” dilemmas and overthinking clothing choices to life-altering “oops” moments and the eternal struggle of picking a Netflix show 📺🍕. Whether you’re decisive, indecisive, or somewhere in between, these jokes highlight the hilariously messy side of decision-making 😅✨.
New funny decision jokes
- Wonder if I should do something with my life, or kind of just continue to hang out.
- What’s the opposite of FOMO? The feeling of knowing you made the right decision not going somewhere once you see or hear dispatches from it.
- All this overthinking, and I still make the worst decisions.
- How am I supposed to make life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next.
- Free will: where you get to choose your own adventure … and regret it.
- “I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”
- I’ve decided that I’m going to underthink today.
- Women love deciding to never talk to you again, and actually do it.
- Making a record-breaking number of bad choices today, I’m really proud of myself.
- Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.
Top funny decision jokes
- Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.
- Have I made bad decisions when I was drunk? Sure. But have the sober ones been any better? Not really.
- Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.
- Peer pressure has nothing on me; all my bad decisions are made single-handedly.
- If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.
- I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.
- Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.
- If I ever go missing, check the snack aisle. I’m probably just deciding.
- All my life choices led me to this post right here, and if that’s not an indictment of free will, I don’t know what is.
- I just hit the back arrow on a website, and it took me to a page that said, “Before you leave.” No. I already made the decision.
Popular funny decision jokes
- Big decision to make? Sleep on it. Have a nightmare. Then you’ll be operating on pure adrenaline and will choose more quickly.
- “Follow your heart,” as advice, is sort of like “abandon yourself to cognitive bias.”
- There should be guide dogs that prevent you from making bad decisions.
- Never say never. Unless someone asks you when you want to go camping. Then the right answer is always “Never.”
- Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?
- After overthinking about it for 6 hours, I have decided that it’s actually not that big of a deal.
- The heart wants what it wants, but it’s not the only organ that has a vote.
- Almost all of my bad decisions are food-related.
- I don’t have a five-year plan because every two years I realize I need a different life.
- One of the biggest struggles of being an adult is deciding what to make for supper. Every. Single. Night.
More funny decision jokes
- I be like, “Who’s praying on my downfall?” as if I don’t make self-destructive life decisions.
- I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.
- Thinking about quitting my job to focus on my girlfriend.
- I followed my heart. It led me to the fridge.
- Might quit my job to focus on summer.
- It’s never too early to start making bad decisions.
- Whoever allowed me to become an adult needs to be fired.
- I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
- The real challenge of adulthood is figuring out what to eat every day.
- I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.
Witty decision jokes
- Don’t talk to me about regrets if you’ve never had someone’s name tattooed on you.
- I don’t think astronauts should be allowed to come back. You made your choice.
- Hold on, let me overthink this.
- Me: Please let me sleep! Brain: Nope, we have to stay up together and go over every bad life decision we have made so far.
- I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life, or they are living it to the fullest.
- Please help my husband and I decide on dinner. We’ve narrowed it down to “It doesn’t matter” and “It’s your turn to choose”.
- Onesies are amazing till you have to really pee in the middle of the night then you question all your life’s decisions.
- Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.
- Not to brag but I don’t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
- That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don’t know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.
Funny decision jokes remind us that every choice has the potential for comedy 📝🤣. From regretted purchases and awkward social calls to accidental adventures and “wrong turn” life moments 🛣️😆, decision-making never fails to entertain. Share these jokes, laugh at your choices, and remember: even bad decisions make great stories 🤣.