50+ Funny Kids Jokes That’ll Make Every Child Hilarious

New funny kids jokes

• If you encounter a teenager out in the wild, be kind. They are the first generation of kids whose parents are cooler than they are.

• I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later, my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.

• Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.

• Stop giving kids Bible names but no Bible lessons. Moses tried to rob me last night.

• “Easy like Sunday morning” is something people with no kids say.

• Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

• What wine pairs well with the kids being stuck inside during a heat wave?

• Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

• Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

• Sitting in a room with my husband and kids… Suddenly I realize everyone here has been in my vagina. Wow.

Top funny kids jokes

• My advice to kids in kindergarten is to start saving all the money.

• The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

• Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

• You know when a donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking? That’s what it’s like having kids.

• None of the parenting books say what to do when your kids start calling you ‘Bruh.’

• If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

• Cleaning your kid’s room will piss you off, cause why is my Airfryer in here?

• Kids don’t love anything as much as they love arguing with each other.

• One of the toughest jobs in parenting is serving the inevitable eviction notice on your kid’s pillow fort.

• My kids are asking for another dog that I can feed and walk.

Popular funny kids jokes

• There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

• All kids are born with a sixth sense that lets them know the absolute worst time to ask for something.

• People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

• Parenting just means you have to pretend you like to eat fruits and vegetables in front of your kids, knowing you’d rather eat a cheeseburger instead.

• My kid’s superpower is knowing he won’t like a food before he even tries it.

• Gentle parenting is making sure your kids can’t hear what you say when you’re peeling a mango.

• Having a toddler is wild. I’m getting breaking news about Peppa Pig.

• I hate when kids scream in public. You don’t have real problems. It should be me screaming.

• I wish I could have a kid just to see what it looks like… and then put it back.

• Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.

More funny kids jokes

• My kids and I have this bit where I say something and they ignore me.

• Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

• It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

• I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

• Putting sunscreen on kids feels like cardio.

• My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

• Currently helping my kids find the chocolate that I ate last night.

• The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice-cream.

• I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

• Prepare your kids for social media by putting their artwork on the fridge and writing a bunch of mean comments under it.

Witty kids jokes

• If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

• I have three kids. I should be terrified of sex.

• I love all mythical creatures. Vampires, werewolves, unicorns, kids who listen.

• My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.

• Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

• Are you there, bathroom walls, ceiling, floor, mirror, sink, and towels? It’s me, the kids toothpaste.

• I may be the reason why our kids are ugly, but you’re the reason why they’re stupid.

• No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

• I could never be an Instagram mom influencer. For starters, I wouldn’t be able to give my kids a name like Banjo or Parmesan or Chandelier.

• I love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.