New funny situation jokes

• You looked so beautiful and combative as we were detained for questioning.

• When someone sits in the empty seat beside you: flattered yet annoyed. When no one sits in the empty seat beside you: offended yet relieved.

• Wife bought something on FB Marketplace, but she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped, so she sends me to pick it up from a guy whose wife sent him because she’s afraid to get kidnapped.

• I’m bad at being sad. Three minutes in, and I’m already making fun of my situation.

• Based on the amount of laundry I wash each week, I’m starting to think there are people who live here that I haven’t met yet.

• What would you do if you were in my situation right now? The situation being that I’m drunk.

• Ever ghost an entire event to avoid one ghost from your past?

• “I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

• Not to brag, but what a time to be childless.

• What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

Top funny situation jokes

• Just once, I’d love to underthink a situation.

• Wait… if you’re circling back and I’m touching base, who the hell is monitoring the situation?

• I try to find the good in every situation. Wait, no – that was a typo. Food. I try to find the food in every situation.

• I came. I saw. I made it awkward.

• Did you know if you hold your ear up to a stranger’s leg, you can actually hear them say, ‘What the hell are you doing?’

• Being a millennial means finding out you can’t afford to live in that apartment complex you thought was really shady when you were a kid.

• Flirting back when you’re bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

• My husband is trying to convince me that we’re in a situationship. “The situation is that we live in the same house and love each other.”

• Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Linda.

• This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

Popular funny situation jokes

• Getting so tangled in the sex shop bead curtain that they have to put me down like a horse with a broken leg.

• I’m bad at being sad. Three mins later, I’m making jokes about my situation.

• Applying lip balm when you know someone’s watching you is a power move.

• Frankly, I have too many situations and not enough monitors.

• Sports bars exist. There should be bars for monitoring the situation.

• Flirting when bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

• So annoying when your family knocks on the toilet door and asks what you’re doing. I’m baking a cake. HBU?

• My boyfriend invited the neighbors over for dinner, “sometime,” so now we have to move.

• Current situation: lying in bed, trying to manifest breakfast.

• We’ve got a shituation here.

More funny situation jokes

• You ever feel awkward in Target, cause you know you belong at Walmart.

• Odd—my boss told me to meet him at the abandoned quarry at midnight for my performance evaluation.

• One time, I was so high my bra unclasped, and I thought I got shot.

• Calling it a situationship, and the whole time, the situation is that they don’t want you.

• My lotion bottle says to use it on areas of irritation, so I slathered it all over my coworker, Deborah.

• That one unemployed roommate who gets a package every day.

• When I die, I hope I’m remembered for my ability to take any bad situation and make it worse.

• Hide and seek, except it’s my husband searching for where he last put his pants.

• Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

• No one is more hated than those two people who start a standing ovation.

Witty situation jokes

• Patience: something you have when there are too many witnesses around.

• In a turn of unexpected events, I need to learn karate by tomorrow morning.

• Reverse cowgirl so he doesn’t see the double chin.

• Yes, my date did get up and leave during dinner, but luckily she hadn’t finished her food.

• You don’t scare me. I used to have to call and ask a girl’s parents if she was there.

• Hey bartender, can you turn down the music, please? This guy I just met is trying to explain how baseball works.

• Me pulling into a full parking lot: Don’t these people have homes?

• That place is so crowded; nobody goes there anymore.

• There is a giant spider on my dash so I’m going to have to buy a new car now.

• I’m no Hobbit, but I do often walk blindly into some rather dodgy situations.