Not being able to see Likes on posts is a tragedy. Love it when two people are arguing and you can see all their little backup dancers.

78 shares on Instagram this month:

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

59 shares on Threads this month:

My brain has too many tabs open and one of them is playing music I can’t find.

45 shares on Reddit this month:

Giant-sized bag of candy: I’m resealable. Me: That won’t be necessary.

46 shares on Instagram this month:

I feel bad for those that don’t enjoy their own company. I be having a ball by myself.

66 shares on Instagram this month:

Micro-dosing time travel by going to bed.

69 shares on Twitch this month:

My most boomer belief is that you can often get a malfunctioning appliance to work again by slapping it.

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

Everyone should be more grateful for what I don’t say.

94 shares on Facebook this month:

Yes, I’ve gained weight. Too many people wanted to have sex with me. It was annoying.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

My talents are so hidden that I can’t even find them.

44 shares on Telegram this month:

Got me some lemons now for the cold. I hope the tequila helps.