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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

I’m just impressed by how ugly I’m willing to look in public these day.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

You know you’re getting old when you clean the house to the music you used to go out to.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

The free hotel blow-dryer should be easier to get off the bathroom wall.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Why do they call it a garage sale instead of a garbage sale?

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Most men will receive their first bunch of flowers at their funeral.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

You think you’re raising your kids right, and then one of them decides to be a fan of your football team’s arch rival.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

I hate commas. It’s not my job to tell you when you breathe. Work it out, you’re a grown adult.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Expecting your first baby’s exciting, but have you ever ordered a new coffee machine?

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

I lost my appetite for doing work. If you find it, you can keep it.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

Incorrectly is the only word that, when spelled correctly, is still spelled incorrectly.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

767 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,929

Funny Quotes Topics

13,901

Funny Quotes Images

10,929

17 minutes ago

3,432

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I’m waiting for the perfect moment to stop procrastinating.

Reported on LinkedIn:

Before you call me an idiot consider this: I know!

Spotted on Snapchat:

So apparently if they ask “do you trust me?”, replying with “well, I trust you to be you” is the incorrect response.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

One does not simply become a master of karate. First, you must accidentally walk into a spider web.

Trending via LinkedIn:

I’ve got the nativity scene facing the TV, so baby Jesus can watch “Die Hard.”

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

First, they give you butterflies, then mental health problems.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Don’t study, get slutty!

Spotted on Discord:

To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!

Going viral on TikTok:

I have to pee. Story of my life.

Trending via Discord:

Today I ate vegetable lasagna… I don’t want to talk about it.

There are too many movies about vampire hunters and not enough about vampire gatherers.

6 months ago

There are too many movies about vampire hunters and not enough about vampire gatherers.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, the eternal debate between the vampire hunters and the vampire gatherers! 🦇 While the hunters are out there with their stakes and garlic, the gatherers are happily inviting blood-sucking creatures to tea parties. ☕️ Who knew the undead could be so picky about who they hang out with? 🧛‍♂️ #TeamGatherers #LifeOfTheParty"

comedy, entertainment, gatherer, humor, hunter, movie, satire, too, vampire

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

767 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,929

Funny Quotes Topics

13,901

Funny Quotes Images

10,929

17 minutes ago

3,433

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

This could have been an email. Me, while attending a wedding ceremony.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Every frozen pizza is a canvas that needs an artist’s touch.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Eating cookies left for Santa because the cowboy was a no show.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Sharpening a pencil at the bin was the childhood equivalent of taking a cigarette break.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

My favorite thing to do at the gym is stay home and eat a piece of cake.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

Hey man, your fly is down. Let me get that for you.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

I’ll kill the vibe, so you don’t have to.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Hey, we’re calling off the search party. We found a different guy out there we like more.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Please, Tinder, add AI to your app. I don’t want to be involved in the modern dating experience. Let a robot do it for me. Let the machines suffer in our place.

Breaking via Facebook:

Hey boy, are you my period? Because you’re annoying as hell but I still wanna see you regularly.

Just shared via Pinterest:

The new American dream is an alien invasion.

Just landed via YouTube:

I’m fighting for free speech. Mine, not yours, so be quiet.

Just landed via Instagram:

It really is Monday every 15 minutes.

Trending via Slack:

The Airbnb reviews never tell you how comfortable the toilets are for falling asleep on.

Just shared via Telegram:

My wife asked me why the bottle of wine we bought yesterday was half empty. I said because she is a pessimist.

Trending via X:

The concept of a drive-by doesn’t really exist in the swamp biome; instead, people rap about doing bog-emerges.

Seen just now on Discord:

I can’t believe I’m supposed to obey ALL the traffic laws ALL the time.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

“Likes your story” is a declaration of love.

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