It’s Monday, but at what cost?

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FaceTiming me is for platinum members only.

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My body is a machine that turns traumatic experiences into 10 likes on X.

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Did 900 crunches today. It was a bag of Cheetos, but still.

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I never thought I would say this, and it took me a while to come to terms, but I think I ate too much bacon.

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It’s not a Sunday unless you completely waste it and then feel sad around 8 p.m.

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9-5 is really 10-2 if you’re working remote.

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Don’t rush into a relationship. Be friends first. Maybe they have hotter friends. Thank me later.

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We all have that person who insists on using a blanket on the couch, no matter the weather.

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That awkward moment when someone is doing the dishes, and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

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Paycheck hit. I’m at Michaels Arts & Crafts supply store telling them to bring out Michael.