New funny relationship quotes

• You are the Monday of my life.

• I can’t believe she picked her husband, her boyfriend and her other boyfriend over me.

• Sex is like my hair. I didn’t have any yesterday. I didn’t have any today. And unless something drastically changes, I won’t have any tomorrow.

• Not texting back is only ok when I do it.

• Sorry boys, but I’ve already got my eyes on a guy who’s not interested.

• Headed to a wedding but my wife said I’m not allowed to refer to the bride as ‘the veiled threat.’

• Told someone I’m as “single as a pringle and as neato as a dorito” and they blocked me immediately.

• I suck at flirting, I end up arguing with them instead.

• She said she liked animals but apparently all the fruit flies around my apartment was a “turn off”

• Nobody stresses a woman out more than a man who isn’t her man yet.

Top funny relationship quotes

• Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

• I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

• If she tells you, she’s got a man, keep trying. Loyal women don’t even reply.

• I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

• A gender-neutral equivalent of ‘sugar daddy’ is glucose guardian.

• Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.

• Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206 of them.

• If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

• Perks of dating me: you will be the hot one.

• I get shy when my man stares at me for too long because what if he’s realizing I’m actually a lil ugly.

Popular funny relationship quotes

• I will marry a tall, masculine, lovey-dovey man who can’t breathe when I ignore his existence.

• Men be like, yes, I hurt you, but now you hate me, so I am the true victim.

• Have your guardian angel call my guardian angel.

• The best piece of dating advice I’ve ever received is “If they like you, you’ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.” Honestly, it’s all you need to know.

• Nobody views your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

• How old were you when you found out people in porn aren’t actually in love?

• There’s nothing like the first two months with a man when he’s still pretending to be a good person.

• Scared to go on dates, cause what if I find the one and never be able to be single again.

• Turning in bad essays to professors you have a personal relationship with is the most humiliating thing ever.

• It’s so important to have people in your life who expand your snack horizons.

More funny relationship quotes

• What’s wrong, babe? You’ve hardly touched my mixed signals.

• Married life: Telling your partner the same sentence 7 days in a row, only for him to say, “You definitely never told me that!”

• If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.

• If I’m ever mad at you, just talk to me in a sweeter and softer tone, and watch how quickly that anger disappears.

• They should invent a DoorDash but for a kiss goodnight and getting tucked in.

• I love how women can go from obsessed to not interested at all when a man makes that one wrong move.

• Are you gonna confess your undying love for me or what, bro?

• If you can’t handle me at my weirdest, then leave, because it gets weirder.

• Painted all of my red flags orange for fall.

• I want a man to love me so bad his entire family thinks I did witchcraft on him.

Witty relationship quotes

• Sex is cool, but have you ever received reassurance without asking for it?

• I’m actually really fun once you get to know me (takes 3-4 years).

• Before marrying someone, listen long and hard to the sounds of their chewing, because that’s the soundtrack to the rest of your life.

• Men be like, “That’s my dream girl,” then ruin her perspective of love forever.

• Dating someone from Twitter is like believing a stripper loves you.

• I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

• Everyone wants a goth girlfriend until she starts doing goth things.

• If your girlfriend doesn’t go a little psycho on you from time to time, then she’s not in love with you, sweetie.

• I feel like Mario has more raw prowess, but Luigi is probably the more sensual lover.

• Lowkey terrifying when someone attractive is actually into you, omg.

Funny relationship quotes prove that the secret to lasting love might just be shared laughter 😂. Whether it’s laughing at your partner’s quirks 🧦, surviving each other’s weird habits 🧩, or turning daily chaos into inside jokes 🤣, humor keeps relationships strong 💪. These quotes remind us that perfection isn’t the goal 🎯 — it’s about finding someone who laughs at life’s craziness right along with you 👯‍♂️. So keep the jokes coming, cherish the silly moments, and never stop giggling together 🤗.