New funny procrastination quotes

• They say time is the solution to every problem. I’ve been waiting for five hours already and the room is still messy.

• Life’s too short to remove the USB drive safely.

• Does refusing to go to the gym count as resistance training?

• Laziness is the art to rest before one gets tired.

• When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

• That awkward moment when you spend an hour online picking out a gift for your friend’s son’s birthday and Amazon tells you it’s been a year since you bought this item.

• Laying next to my charger waiting for my phone to die, that’s how lazy I am.

• People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

• Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.

• I’m not lazy, I’m an inactivist.

Top funny procrastination quotes

• I’m going to be a printer today and just not work.

• The only exercise I done last month was running out of money.

• People said follow your dreams, so I went back to bed.

• I hate having a messy house. Not enough to actually clean it, but enough to give it a disgusted stare while I peacefully relax on the couch.

• Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

• Are you a software update, because not now!

• I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

• *Googles: How to fake your own death and erase existence before 9am Monday morning.

• Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.

• My morning routine includes 20 minutes of staring at the ceiling thinking about how tired I am and debating if I really need to live today.

Popular funny procrastination quotes

• Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

• Just because I’m awake doesn’t mean I’m ready to do things.

• I don’t want to adult today, I just want to dog. I’ll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.

• I’m not lazy, I’m waiting for inspiration to hit me… should be here any time now.

• My morning routine includes 10 minutes of sitting on my bed and thinking about how tired I am.

• I’ll stop being so lazy when being so lazy stops being so awesome.

• I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

• Who else writes “etc.” knowing damn well you don’t have more examples?

• We’re so close to “Let’s circle back next year” season, I can taste it.

• When life hands me lemons, I put them in the fridge next to the bagged salad I’m also not going to eat.

More funny procrastination quotes

• No matter how busy I am, I still find time to waste on Twitter.

• Good morning, did you have a nice weekend? I ask my many open work tabs.

• Wake up, the thinking isn’t going to overthink itself.

• I came up with my passwords when I was 12, and never looked back.

• The dead bodies on Mt. Everest remind me that it’s perfectly fine to stay home and be lazy.

• “How am I supposed to avoid Al when I’ve procrastinated on a paper?” With a night full of caffeine and nicotine like your forefathers, you babies.

• Good things take time, that’s why I’m always late.

• “I’m so good at doing nothing. I wish I could get paid for it.”

• How am I supposed to relax when there are things?

• I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.

Witty procrastination quotes

• Monday is already sending me threatening glances from across the room.

• My laundry is done, but I don’t even want it anymore. The washing machine can keep it.

• Right before rock bottom, you’ll have a city builder game on your phone.

• My bed has a stronger influence on me than my ambitions.

• I don’t know who needs to hear this, but your clothes are still in the washing machine.

• I don’t always seize the day. Sometimes I poke the day with my index finger and go, ew, ew, ew, ew.

• I was going to go for a run, then realized I could just run my mouth on here.

• You have to stay up as needlessly late as possible to make the next day as horrible and hard as possible.

• Googling phone numbers you don’t recognize instead of actually answering the phone.

• Just a few more hours of scrolling, and then I will finally know.

Funny procrastination quotes remind us that sometimes putting things off is an art form 🎨. Whether it’s reorganizing your sock drawer 🧦 instead of working 🖥️ or convincing yourself that tomorrow will be the productive day 🌞, procrastination makes life unexpectedly funny 😂. These quotes are perfect for sharing with fellow masters of delay ⏳. So embrace the distractions, laugh at the excuses, and remember: why do today what you can put off until tomorrow? 😄