Funny procrastination quotes shine a hilarious light on the art of doing absolutely anything β except what youβre supposed to do π. From endless distractions π± to βjust five more minutesβ lies β°, procrastination is a talent many of us have mastered π€ͺ. These quotes capture the struggle of balancing good intentions with zero motivation π. So sit back, ignore your to-do list π for a bit longer, and enjoy these perfectly relatable gems π€£!
New funny procrastination quotes
- I would do absolutely anything for my friends, except answer their text messages.
- Well, well, well, if it isnβt that thing Iβve been ignoring until it became a giant problem.
- You guys can continue with the week, Iβve stopped here.
- Hey, sorry I canβt go out tonight. I already showered and got into bed, and now Iβm busy rubbing my feet together like a little grasshopper.
- One thing no one mentions about being an adult is how much time you debate with yourself over keeping a cardboard box because itβs a really good box.
- I need to be more disciplined and stop procrastinating, starting tomorrow.
- The cold water does not get warmer if you jump late.
- My hobbies include adding things to my cart, and never buying them.
- βYou never text back.β No, I be reading texts from the notification bar, then forget to text back.
- Some people exercise every day. Right now, Iβm watching a show I donβt like because the remote fell on the floor.
Top funny procrastination quotes
- Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.
- Iβve done literally nothing all day, except feel guilty about doing nothing all day.
- How can I be expected to get out of bed when I donβt want to?
- Sometimes Iβm just so exhausted I have to go to bed and scroll my phone for the next 2-3 hours.
- If βlive each day as if itβs your lastβ means being paralyzed with anxiety and a sense of impending doom, then I am absolutely nailing it.
- My save-for-later cart on Amazon is up to about $1.5 million dollars.
- βIβm not falling for that again,β I say, as Iβm about to fall for whatever that is again.
- If you wait until the last minute to do something, it only takes a minute to do it.
- As a student, the most comforting words youβll ever hear are βI havenβt started either.β
- If it werenβt for this whole job thingy that pays me money, Iβd become a professional nap taker.
Popular funny procrastination quotes
- Can someone come over and take this phone away from me?
- I should have peed before I left, and other things Iβll never learn: A memoir
- If I say goodnight and an hour later you see me online, itβs not that I lied; itβs just that I failed.
- Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.
- I donβt run from my problems. I sit on my couch, play on my phone, and ignore them like all other adults.
- βBut itβs summer,β is going to be my excuse for everything from now until the end of September.
- The earlier you wake up, the more time you have to think about why you wish you were still asleep in bed.
- Sorry, Iβm late. Time isnβt real, and Iβm not convinced I am either.
- If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, βThe prophecy has been fulfilled,β and walk away.
- Sorry, Iβm late. I found my old CD collection.
More funny procrastination quotes
- Itβs hard to sleep knowing that Coke is in the fridge.
- I donβt always have time to fold laundry, but when I do, I donβt.
- Sorry, Iβm late. My alarm didnβt go off because I didnβt set it, because I donβt want to be here.
- I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly Iβm lazy.
- Thereβs nothing like the excitement of a brand-new book to add to the massive pile of books I still havenβt read.
- When my husband says, βLet me ask my wife,β heβs just using me as an excuse to get out of whatever youβre asking him to do.
- I mostly stopped responding to emails three years ago, and aside from various consequences, itβs been fine.
- Sadly, I do my best proofreading after I hit βsend.
- Big decision to make? Sleep on it. Have a nightmare. Then youβll be operating on pure adrenaline and will choose more quickly.
- Iβd be a horrible stalkerβ¦ Iβm always late.
Witty procrastination quotes
- βYouβre an athlete,β I whisper to myself, as I begin my third attempt to get out of the couch.
- Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?
- I have browser tabs open that are older than you.
- Iβll rewind a movie, get on my phone, and miss the same part.
- I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.
- The fact that I procrastinate and still get the job done is the reason I still procrastinate.
- Sometimes, after Iβve completed a task that wasnβt on my to-do list, Iβll add it and then cross it off for the free dopamine boost.
- After overthinking about it for 6 hours, I have decided that itβs actually not that big of a deal.
- Shoutout to everyone who canβt keep up with the laundry or the dishes but decided it was a great idea to start gardening.
- Another beautiful day, ruined by responsibility.
Funny procrastination quotes remind us that sometimes putting things off is an art form π¨. Whether itβs reorganizing your sock drawer 𧦠instead of working π₯οΈ or convincing yourself that tomorrow will be the productive day π, procrastination makes life unexpectedly funny π. These quotes are perfect for sharing with fellow masters of delay β³. So embrace the distractions, laugh at the excuses, and remember: why do today what you can put off until tomorrow? π